Don't Speak
by JBS-Forever
Summary: It was a nightmare that sent Ponyboy spiraling down. He couldn't handle it anymore; he stopped talking. Now it's up to Darry and Soda to figure out what's going on before it's too late.
1. Pony's Nightmare

**Spring Break means new story time! It's an idea I wanted to try. If it gets confusing, let me know. And don't be afraid to tell me if you like it or not. I enjoy reading your responses. **

**Hope you enjoy.**

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I never believed in miracles. Even after everything that happened, I played it to fate. That's why Johnny and Dally were gone, why my mom and dad were gone, and why I was currently losing grip of everything I had once held onto.

Life isn't simple. I knew that first hand. Life isn't simple and it isn't fair. Growing up a greaser, you learn that easily. But I was a greaser with no parents, no grandparents, and no known family except for my two brothers, who were wasting away their lives to keep me. Sodapop, my now 17 year old brother, worked full time at the DX because he dropped out of school. My oldest brother, Darrel-who we call Darry-worked two jobs. He had been college bound. Had been. When my parents died, he dropped all his dreams-dropped everything really-to take care of me and Sodapop. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad we can still be a family; but sometimes it wears Darry down so much that I can't stand it. He doesn't have a life anymore. And while he still smiles and jokes around with friends, I can see the truth behind his eyes. I can always see it.

I was fine. For the longest time, I swear I had been fine. Ever since Soda ran from the house because Darry and I had been fighting, we swore that we'd stop; that we'd make amends and start anew. We did, for the most part. Darry calmed down a bit and I behaved better. Things were going just fine until summer started. That was the end of school and the beginning of my story.

Summer brought the days we longed for as children. The days of heat and no school, where we could ruin our favorite clothes in the mud and sleep as long as we wanted during the day. Summer used to be magical. Now, it's a constant reminder that my best friend is gone. I don't know why it bugs me, I should be used to this. I should take the company of Two-Bit and Steve (who had grown to tolerate me more) and accept that they, along with my brothers, were all that was left of the gang. But I couldn't do it. And just a week into summer, I started to lose my mind.

It was hot, and I hate hot; it makes me grumpy and rude. I know if I was anyone else, I wouldn't wanna be around me while it was hot. Summertime brings along the heat that has been hiding out during all the other seasons and that was the main reason Winter was my favorite. When it's cold, you can bundle up. There's only so much you can do when it's hot though.

That night I had one of those dreams. The kind I get when it's hot, I'm delirious, and I have too much on my mind. It was the dream that changed everything.

I don't believe in miracles. Not anymore.

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It had been a long day. I had worked a nine hour shift at the DX and I was so anxious to get home that I nearly ran there.

"Hey," I greeted to Two-Bit and Steve, who were sitting on the couch watching TV when I finally arrived home. Darry was in the kitchen, making something that smelled delicious. I let the door slam closed behind me, throwing myself down between my two friends.

"What smells so good?" I called to Darry.

"Food, little buddy. I know it's rare around here, but it does exist," Darry teased from the kitchen. I rolled my eyes, forgetting he couldn't see me. I looked around, realizing someone was missing. "Where's Pony?"

"Room," Darry replied. I bit my lip, making a confused face. Pony shouldn't be alone.

"I wouldn't," Steve warned as I got up.

"Why?" I asked, looking back at him.

"Kid's got some serious attitude problems today," He shrugged.

"The heat's getting to him, Soda," Darry offered, walking into the living room. "Steve's just mad cause Pony took a shot at him."

"And it was hilarious!" Two-Bit laughed. Steve punched him in the arm, glaring.

"What did he say?" I wondered, curiosity getting the best of me.

"Oh he cracked a joke about Steve's mom," Two-Bit dared to remind. I watched Steve get ready to hit him again. "You had to be there."

"If you really wanna check on him, you can go tell him it's time for dinner," Darry said to me. Two-Bit and Steve exchanged a look, seeming to forget about their quarrel.

"Food!" They both yelled, jumping up from the couch and almost stampeding over Darry in their haste to get to the kitchen. I smiled as Darry cracked his knuckles, giving me a look that told me he was going to pound both of them. He gave a mischievous smile and disappeared after them. I laughed and headed to Pony's room, knocking softly on the door.

"Pone?" I called.

"Come in."

I opened the door and found him lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. The window was open, allowing a cool draft to blow in now that the sun was going down. His room was still muggy though.

"Dinner's ready," I said.

"I heard," He replied. His arms were folded under his head, his legs crossed. His hair was damp and I knew it was cause he was sweating. I wondered if he realized the rest of the house was cooler than his room.

"Come eat," I urged. "The kitchen's cooler anyway."

"Is not," He mumbled, but sat up regardless. He ran a hand through his hair and then made a face, scowling in disgust. He swung his bare feet over the edge of the bed and stood up, sighing in annoyance. I gave him a sad smile, knowing he was miserable. He gave a weak smile back and led the way to the kitchen.

"Duck and cover," Steve said under his breath.

"Knock it off," Darry silenced him with a smack to the back of the head. Pony smirked and sat down at the table.

"Maybe you should take a shower. You kinda stink," Two-Bit commented lightly. Ponyboy shrugged.

"Maybe you should shut up and mind your own business," He said. I covered my face with my hands and smiled. This would be interesting.

"You need an attitude adjustment, kid, " Steve muttered.

"And you need a face adjustment," Pony said, narrowing his eyes. "But you don't hear me complainin'."

Two-Bit's mouth opened in a shocked smile and he looked at me in amusement. I groaned and grabbed some food.

"Maybe you should head to the bathroom and stick your face under the shower. Keep your mouth wide open, maybe you'll drown," Steve suggested.

"Steve," I chided, but Pony was one step ahead of me. This was war. I knew they weren't serious, they did this all the time. But Steve was hitting Pony's hot spots and Pony wasn't gonna take it.

"Maybe you should head to the bathroom to choke on the tears of your impending failure. Last I checked you were failin' most of your classes anyway," Pony shrugged casually.

"Enough," Darry said. Pony looked down, a small smile playing across his lips. I rolled my eyes. Pony had won, for now. Steve glared at him, but remained silent. He knew better then to mess with Darry.

"Pone, I know it's hot, but watch the attitude," Darry finished. Pony didn't say anything, just poked at his food with the fork in his hand. After dinner, things had cooled down even more. Pony went and sat out on the porch. I made Steve stay in the house. Darry joined Pony outside after a while and I could hear them talking, but didn't know what they were saying. Pony came in a few minutes later with Darry in tow. He headed to the bathroom and Darry headed towards the kitchen. I got up from the couch and joined him.

"Everything ok?" I asked. He looked at me and then returned his attention back to the dishes.

"Yup. And guess what? It's your night to do dishes," He smiled. I sighed, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. Darry had been more laid back lately, but he still found it amusing when it was anyone's turn but his to do something.

"Yeah yeah," I said. "How's Pony?"

"He's fine. A little more cooled down now."

"Good."

Later that night I finally laid down to go to sleep. Pony had started sleeping in his own room again. I wasn't exactly sure why the sudden change happened, but he started it at the beginning of summer. I didn't resist, though I was a bit upset. As long as he wasn't having nightmares, I could deal with it. I closed my eyes to let the exhaustion of the day take over and fell asleep.

I don't know when it happened, but it did. It was a sound that haunted me every time I heard it. The sound of someone screaming bloody murder. I jolted awake, my heart pounding quickly in my chest. I could hear Darry running from his room. I jumped from the bed and swung my door open, racing to where the sound was coming from.

"Pony, wake up!" Darry said loudly, shaking him. I rushed forward and leapt onto the bed. Something wasn't right.

"Pone," I smoothed back his hair. It was damp, but this time it wasn't from the heat. It took me only a few seconds to realize something was wrong. Ponyboy usually woke up the second someone touched him, but this time he was still asleep, still tossing and turning.

"Darry?" I asked nervously. "What's going on?"

"Ponyboy, wake up. Come on kiddo, you gotta wake up," Darry said, shaking him again.

"Darry?" I tried once more.

"Soda, I'm doing everythin' I can," Darry said sharply. I stopped, closing my mouth. Darry looked at me and sighed. "Sorry."

I nodded, understanding. I grabbed Ponyboy and pulled him up, shaking him like Darry had done. It snapped him out of his dream and he woke up gasping, fighting me.

"Whoa, Pone, relax," I said, releasing him. "It's just me."

He seemed to grasp hold of that, but didn't appear to be fully coherent. He ran a hand through his hair as he tried to control his breathing.

"You ok?" Darry asked him. He nodded, not saying anything.

"What'd you dream of?" I questioned gently. He shook his head and laid back down, rolling onto his side. I glanced at Darry who shrugged.

"Come on. Let him go back to sleep. We'll talk in the mornin'," Darry said. "Night Pone."

"All right," I said reluctantly. Pony looked as though he was sleeping already. I would ask him about it when he was awake. "Goodnight Pony," I said softly and got up, closing the door behind me.

I didn't know it then, but whatever Pony had dreamed about was bad. I also didn't realize that the words I heard him speak at dinner were the last words I would be hearing from him for a long time. Something had scared Ponyboy. I just didn't know what.


	2. Sleeping pills? Sure, why not!

**Thanks for all the reviews! I actually made a trailer/preview thing for this on Youtube. If you wanna watch it, go to my profile and click on the link. I hope you'll check it out cause it was fun to make. **

**Hope you enjoy. **

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If there ever was a time to stop believing, it was here and it was now. I wasn't giving up, exactly. I had gone through too much to do that. I was too strong to do that. I wasn't giving up, but I was done. I didn't wanna deal with this anymore.

I let the heat take over me. Darry had gone to work early that morning and Soda only worked a half day, meaning he would be home around lunch. I didn't get up. I kicked the covers off me and laid on my bed in the dying heat. Sweat collected on my forehead and I wiped it off every once and a while, the only real movement that I achieved.

I wasn't sure where Steve and Two-Bit were and honestly, I didn't care. I heard the front door slam closed and hoped it wasn't someone coming to bug me.

"Ponyboy?" Soda knocked on the door and then opened it, sticking his head in. "Hey, you all right?"

I nodded. I wasn't all right. I was a liar, but Soda didn't need to know that.

"You know if you lay in here all day you're gonna melt," Soda said lightly. I shrugged. If that's what it meant, then by God I would melt. I didn't feel like moving anyway.

"Have you left that bed since I got up?" Soda asked. I shook my head. Without looking at him, I knew the expression on his face; I could feel it burning into me. He was worried. He hesitated at the door for a moment before he invited himself in and walked over to my bed.

"What's a matter, Pone?" He asked gently, sitting down on the edge of the mattress. I didn't say anything. How could I tell him? There were no words to how I was feeling. I couldn't explain to Soda this emptiness inside my chest, this feeling that was slowly beginning to strangle me. I needed to get out.

I sat up, feeling my shirt stick to my back from the sweat. I wanted to punch someone. I was sure that was the heat the talking. I ignored Soda and slid my shoes on, standing up from the bed that had held me captive all day. The pressure in my chest was getting tighter. I couldn't breathe.

"Pony?" Soda's voice cut through my haze. He looked concerned. I faintly wondered if he could tell that I was starting to choke. His eyes were steady on me, the heat around us was growing quickly. Soda asked my name again, but I ignored him. My throat was tight. I was sure that I was going to collapse at any given moment and did the one thing I knew best;

I ran.

I didn't run to any direction or any planned spot. For the first few minutes, I didn't even notice where I was. The memories in my head danced in front of my vision and took control of everything. I could feel the hot air rushing past me. I knew I couldn't run forever, though. The past would always catch up with me. Always.

I don't know how long I ran before I decided to stop. At that point, I really couldn't breathe. I forgot how much I hated running in heat; I was really kicking myself for it. I looked around as I tried to catch my breath. I was close to Soc territory. As I started to pay more attention, I realized I was _too _close. These were the places that Socs decided were close enough to home territory to terrorize. I didn't chance it. I decided to start heading back, whether I was ready or not.

I wasn't. The sun was setting by the time I was a few blocks away. I could see the lights on in my house. Darry was home, which meant Soda was sure to have told him about my outburst. I felt embarrassed; not because I ran, but because I couldn't handle it. The only positive in my situation was the fact that now that the sun was going down, it was feeling cooler. My head felt more clear.

"Ponyboy!"

Soda swarmed to me like a moth to light the moment I walked through the door. He checked me over, making sure I was ok, and I spaced out, wondering why I made an analogy about a moth.

"Where ya been?" Darry asked, voice serious. There was something off about it though. He didn't sound mad, he sounded…concerned. I looked at him for a long moment, searching for any sign of the old Darry that had hit me the one time he had been so frustrated that he didn't know what else to do. That Darry was hidden somewhere, but I wasn't sure how far deep. I wouldn't push it. Honestly, I think it was more for Soda's sake then for my own.

"Where'd ya run off to?" Soda asked more gently. I shifted my focus to him now. A moth was a bad example. Soda was nothing like a moth. He was more like a Koala bear. Cute on the outside, but can attack at any given moment if provoked. I remembered he asked me a question and I shrugged, heading towards the kitchen. I became aware that I soaked with sweat and wanted to throw up. Instead, I grabbed the carton of chocolate milk from the fridge and took a long drink. Soda and Darry stood a few feet away from me, watching me carefully.

"Go take a shower. We'll talk afterwards," Darry said once I stuck the carton back and closed the door. I silently agreed and went to the bathroom. I was going to take a shower before he suggested it anyway. I turned the water on and waited for it to heat up. Glancing at the mirror, my reflection made me do a double take. I looked like I hadn't slept in a year. The dark circles under my eyes appeared like bruises because of the lighting above me. For a few moments I found myself fascinated with it, and then remembered the shower awaiting me.

When I was younger, my dad went through a period of time when he couldn't sleep at night. My mom tried everything to help, but nothing seemed to work. She finally made him go to a doctor, who gave him some kind of pill to make him sleep. He hated using them because they gave him weird dreams, so one day he decided to stop and put the pills away. I wondered if those pills were still in the house, and if this was just a phase like what my dad went through. I didn't think it was the same though.

When I got out of the shower, I decided to look and see if the pills were still here. It had been a long time since my dad had used them, but I figured it couldn't hurt to look. We had a lot of pill bottles that I never cared to read before. Antibiotics that had never been finished, different kind of pain relievers, an empty bottle we had never thrown out from the time Soda had broken his arm, and…and the pills I didn't know were still in existence. My dad's pills were still there.

I grabbed them and closed the cabinet, wrapping a towel around myself while hiding the pill bottle. I opened the door and made a dash for my room, but Darry's voice stopped me.

"Pony."

I sighed inwardly. I was caught. I looked up and he gave me a curious look. I pointed towards my room and then at my towel, trying to get across the point that I was going to put clothes on. He nodded from his chair and motioned for me to continue.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I made it. I shoved the bottle into one of my drawers and changed quickly, but not before popping one of the pills into my mouth. I made my way back out into the living room and sat down on the couch, waiting for Darry to start in on me.

"You know better then to just run off like that," Darry said. I nodded. I knew better, but I didn't care. I couldn't tell if my silence was making Darry more irritated or more concerned. Soda came out of the kitchen and threw himself down next to me, slinging an arm over my shoulders.

"What's going on, Pone?" He asked. I shook my head.

"Are you mad at us?" He questioned, his voice curious and sad. I shook my head again, glancing at the clock. I hadn't realized how late it was. I thought back to those pills hidden in my drawer. They had given my dad weird dreams, but they had made him sleep. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep on my own anymore, not after that nightmare. I just hoped the dreams wouldn't be too strange.

I rubbed my eyes, which had suddenly gotten itchy with sleep. I was overwhelmed with exhaustion, forgetting that the pill must have been kicking in. I forced my eyelids to stay open, waiting for Darry to finish his talk with me.

He sighed in frustration and ran a hand over his face. "Just go to bed. You look tired."

I nodded and stood up. Soda's voice sounded from behind me. "Good night, Pone."

I gave a wave and stumbled to my room, using the walls for support. I collapsed down face first on my bed, too tired to change clothes. As I started to drift, I heard Soda and Darry talking from the living room.

"Dar…he hasn't talked all day. What do we do?"

"Don't worry, little buddy. We'll figure somethin' out. He's probably just got his head up in the clouds again."

"I dunno. Did you see him, Darry? Somethin' doesn't seem right…"

I didn't hear the rest of the conversation though. The last thought that ran through my head was the idea of having to live off of sleeping pills for the rest of my life. I wondered if this would become a problem, but I wasn't too concerned with it.

People took pills all the time. I could do it too.


	3. All Aboard?

**If for some reason you can't get the link to work and you wanna watch the preview/trailer thing for this story on youtube, just go to the youtube home page and type in the search bar "The Outsiders-Don't Speak" and it will be the first video. **

**P.S. We started Spring term on Monday and I wanted to take a Soc class with my Patrick Swayze lookalike teacher again. The class was full so we drew names for people who got to add the class who hadn't been registered and I wasn't one of them =( Sad and disappointed, I went home, just trying to be happy that my teacher had remembered my name and smiled and said hi to me (I took Soc with him last term.) I go to my email and see a message from him. It said "I'll let you add on Thurs..." WABAM! He's letting me add even though the class is already full and I didn't get my name drawn. I knew he liked me and all my Patrick Swazye references I made in my 8 reading responses we turned in ;)**

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**Enjoy.**

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"Mr. Curtis!"

I turned towards the voice, the British accent catching my attention first. Commotion was going on all around me. Smoke, people yelling, others screaming, loud explosions…

"An eight pounder, please!" The voice demanded.

"This is it!" I found myself yelling, wondering where I had picked up a British accent as well. The two men by me were shoving something in what looked like a very old cannon. I glanced over to the man who had first called me and he nodded, giving me the signal.

"Fire!" I screamed. The cannon went off, shooting into the ship in front of us. The…ship? I then realized I was on a ship of my own, people running all around through the debris. We were all dressed the same; blue coats and tan pants, armor in our hands. I looked like I stepped out of the 1800's. In fact, the more I thought about it, I realized that's exactly where I must have been. Fighting on a ship out at seas back in time.

"They're boarding!" Someone yelled. "Get your guns!"

I was ready. I had a very old looking pistol in my hand, but during that time it must have been good. I charged with the rest of my crew, attacking the foreigners who were boarding our ship from theirs. I shot blindly at first, trying to protect myself. Then I aimed, firing at anyone in red. Red was the enemy.

"Mr. Curtis! The portal!"

I ran through the people, dropping down to the bottom of the ship where more men were loading cannons.

"They're aiming towards the open hole!" I exclaimed. "Load!"

The men, in a panic, quickly packed the cannon ball in tight. I gave it the once over, making sure the barrel was aimed right and then shouted.

"Fire!"

The explosion made my ears ring, but I ignored it, running to the next cannon. They followed my instructions, firing when I commanded. We let out a sigh of relief when we realized we had destroyed their cannons, saving ourselves from that at least.

"Mr. Curtis!"

I looked to see who called my name and then it happened. We had missed one of the cannons from the other ship. They loaded without us realizing and fired, right towards where I was standing. The floor around me exploded and I was sent flying, smashing into the wooden stairs. In a daze, I glanced down and noticed blood pooling around me. I had been hit. When I tried to clear my vision more, I noticed a large piece of wood had gone completely through my arm and was stuck there. I felt my breath catch in my throat.

"Ponyboy!" Someone not much older than me was by my side, looking as though he was in a complete frenzy.

"Will," I whispered in shock. "I've been hit."

Another explosion went off somewhere around us and it was enough to jar me from my daze, making me smack my arm on something hard. Not sure from panic or pain did I start, but I began screaming.

"Pony!"

"Mr. Curtis!"

Everything started to grow dark and I felt someone shaking me, the pain from my arm fading. I thought for a moment that I was dying, but then a familiar voice filled my eyes.

"Ponyboy, wake up!"

It was Soda. I wasn't sure what he was doing here on the ship with me. Then I realized that I didn't appear to be on the ship anymore. Everything was black and I didn't feel the constant sway of the water beneath us. I did become aware though, that I was still yelling.

I opened my eyes, cutting myself off mid-scream. In my grogginess, I sat up quickly, checking my arm in a state of near hysteria. Someone grabbed my hands, stopping me. Darry.

"Stop!" He commanded. "Sit still. You're all right."

"Relax Pone," Soda said gently. I tried to catch my breath. I could still feel the pain in my arm. It wasn't near as strong, but it was there as a reminder. I pulled one hand free from Darry, rubbing my arm to make sure it wasn't real.

"Get a grip," I muttered softly to myself, not loud enough for Darry and Soda to understand. "You ain't on a ship."

"What was that?" Darry asked. I shook my head, my heart starting to slow down.

"C'mon, Pone. Talk to us," Soda begged. I realized he was sitting next to me on the bed and Darry was on the edge of my mattress. The look on Soda's face made me turn away. How could I explain to him what I was feeling? Right then, being on the ship didn't seem so bad.

"Ponyboy," Darry sighed. "You can't do this. You have to talk."

I didn't say anything, proving my point. I didn't have to talk, and I wouldn't. I knew I was being stubborn, but I reached a point where I couldn't say what I was feeling. If I tried, I felt like I might explode. I had been in an explosion on the ship and I didn't want to go through that again. It had felt too real. The pain had hurt too bad.

"Fine, Ponyboy," Darry said in a tired voice. "But we'll get you talkin' soon enough."

I shrugged as he got up, bidding us goodbye. He stopped at the door before he left, seeming to remember something. "Soda, get to bed. Don't forget you work early tomorrow."

"Sure Dar, I will," Soda said without looking at him. Then there were two. The process of elimination was an interesting one. I found that there are many different ways to get people to disperse. For example, if you're with a group of people and you start talking about your "really cool rock collection!", the process of elimination will go fast until you are left alone with only your really cool rocks to keep you company. Bet they ain't so cool anymore.

"What's going on with you, Pony?" Soda asked softly, pulling me out of my thoughts. I shook my head, letting out a sigh. He looked at me sadly as I ran a hand over my face and back through my hair. It was getting too long. We greasers don't normally get hair cuts, but there is a length in which we need to step into action.

"Hair's gettin' long," Soda commented, seeming to read my thoughts. He tugged on a lock of it, making me push his hand away with a smile.

"A smile!" He said happily, nudging me. "There's the horse I love."

I gave him a fake glare, shoving him. He smiled and pushed me back not as hard, seeming very happy about our encounter. He ruffled my hair and slid off the bed, stretching.

"I wish you'd talk to us, ya know," He said. "It ain't the same when you're sad."

I shrugged. He let out a deep sigh and shook his head. "I'm here for ya. You know that. Good night."

I waved goodbye to him, watching as he walked out of my room and shut the door. I laid back down and stared at the wall absently. The next time I took sleeping pills, I was hoping they didn't land me on a ship.

XXXxxxxXXX

"C'mon Dar, think about it!" Soda said as he finished slapping jelly on his eggs. I gave him a disgusted look, shaking my head.

"You know just as well as I do that you can't make him talk if he doesn't wanna." I grabbed some bacon out of the pan, chewing it while I went to get a plate. Soda bounced behind me, carrying his own plate while walking.

"It's just like before, after…" Soda looked around, dropping his voice. "Johnny and Dally."

"You'd do best to never mention that," I warned him, scooping a pile of scrambled eggs onto my plate. "And it ain't the same. Pony was runnin' in to stuff and actin' out. He ain't doing that this time."

"Yeah, but he ain't _talkin'_, Darry," Soda stressed the word. "He doesn't do anythin' either. Just lays around. And his nightmares are back. Somethin' is up."

"I dunno what you want me to do," I said. I knew he was right though. Something was going on with Ponyboy. You could see it clear as day on his face. He looked tired, like he couldn't handle the stress of living. Even though Pony was a normally quiet person, he never completely stopped talking. He always spoke when spoken too.

"Fix him?" Soda offered. I gave him a look, smiling.

"Would if I could, but I can't." I took a bite of my eggs.

"Darry," He whined.

"Soda, look. I'm worried too, all right? But Pony is a stubborn person and you know it. We just gotta start makin' him talk and interact with people. Not much else we can do."

"Good mornin' Curtis house!" Someone shouted, letting the front door slam.

"Your ride's here," I said, waiting until Steve entered the kitchen. "Hey nimrod, keep it down. Pony's sleepin'."

"Well ain't it time for him to get up and get a job?" Steve asked, snatching some bacon. We all walked back into the living room just as Ponyboy's door opened and he came stumbling out.

"Speak of the devil," Steve said, taking a bite of bacon.

Ponyboy ran a hand through his hair, walking towards the bathroom. He didn't even glance at Steve, just put his hand up and stuck his middle finger out. I choked as Soda burst out laughing. Steve glared, but took another bite of bacon. Ponyboy closed the bathroom door and was out of site.

"Now _that_…" I swallowed hard, getting my food down. "Was totally out of character."

"Told ya somethin' was up," Soda said, a smile still on his face as he shook his head.


	4. Mute

"So the kid's a mute now?" Steve asked. I sighed, wiping my hands on the dirty rag I had. Another check up on somebody's car. Steve stood at the counter, munching on a candy bar.

"He's not a mute," I said, tossing the rag and snatching the bar from him. "Just not talkin'."

"Last I heard that makes him a mute," Steve said, glancing towards the car pulling up to the tanks outside. "I got it."

I sighed again, leaning onto the counter. Pony had been worrying me. He wouldn't talk, barely ate, and just didn't do anything. I didn't know what was wrong him. He had always talked to me when he had a problem and I wasn't used to this version of him.

He'd changed. I could see it, Darry could see it, even Steve and Two-Bit could see it. He looked different, like someone had drained the light from him. There was no sparkle in his eyes anymore. He just went through his day in a numb robotic state.

Later when I got home, he was still the same. I don't know why I assumed anything would be different. He's always the same. There's not much to him anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love him. He's my baby brother. But I just wish I knew what was going through his head.

"'Sup, soft drink?" Two-Bit greeted me.

"Why's it called a soft drink?" I asked, throwing myself down on the couch. Ponyboy was in his room and Two-Bit was in the living room watching TV.

"Cause when you throw a cup of soda at someone it hurts less then throwing a bottle of alcohol!" Two-Bit smiled. I laughed. He came up with the craziest answers to everything. And for a few minutes we just watched Mickey Mouse on the TV before Two-Bit suddenly grew somber.

"Um, Soda," He started.

"What?" I asked cautiously.

"Is Darry gonna take Pone to the doc?"

I gave him a confused look. "Why you askin'?"

"Cause he ain't talkin'. Ain't eatin'. Ain't doin' much of anything really." Two-Bit shrugged, though I could see he was worried.

"I'll ask him. Might be a good idea."

Two-Bit tapped his fingers on the couch. "Do…um, do you know what made him start actin' like this?"

I eyed him carefully. "No. Why? Do you?"

Two-Bit shook his head and turned his attention back to the screen. _Liar_. I didn't question him though because I heard Ponyboy's door open and he walked through the living room a moment later. As he headed into the kitchen, I stood up and followed him.

"What ya doin'?" I asked. Pony grabbed a small white board and pen off of the counter (that I hadn't noticed before that moment) and wrote something down, flashing it towards me.

**My turn for dinner.**

I nodded. "Where'd you get the board?"

He erased and wrote something again, this time handing it to me as he started getting things out of the fridge.

**Two-Bit.**

I walked into the living room and held it up for Two-Bit to see, wondering why he had given it to Pony.

"Ooh, is that mine?" He asked excitedly, spotting his name on it.

"If you _bought_ it, yup. But I doubt you did cause everythin' you own is lifted from somewhere," I said.

He feigned a look of hurt. "Not true! My mom bought me this shirt. So point not proven!"

I rolled my eyes and smiled. "Why'd you give him a white board?"

Two-Bit shrugged. "So he could communicate with the livin'."

It hit me then. Ponyboy wouldn't talk, but that didn't mean he couldn't tell us what he wanted or needed. He loved writing and if it would be the only way he would at least communicate with us, then it was a start.

"Two-Bit…that's actually…brilliant," I said, shaking my head in awe. I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it.

"Well hey, I ain't all just looks," Two-Bit joked. I smiled.

"Really though, thank you," I said honestly. He smiled back.

"No problem."

"Hello Curtis house!" A voice boomed in a mock announcer voice. Steve bust through the door and let it slam behind him. "Let's…get…ready…to rumble!"

He dove at Two-Bit and knocked him off the couch, wrestling him on the ground. Two-Bit fought back and they rolled into the small table by the recliner, sending the lamp on it crashing to the floor. I laughed and ran out of the way, setting Pony's white board on the table.

Two-Bit surrendered 15 minutes later. By then, Ponyboy was finished making dinner and was pulling out plates. Steve ran to the kitchen to get food and I followed behind him.

"What'd ya make?" I asked Ponyboy. He motioned to the food on the stove in a way for me to figure it out myself. Steve looked back at me and mouthed the word "mute", jerking his thumb towards Pony. I gave him a look while Pony went and grabbed his board off the table, writing quickly.

**Wait for Darry.**

"I ain't waitin' for Darry. I'm hungry," Steve said. Ponyboy erased his board and wrote something, showing it to him.

"Why should I?" Steve asked. Pony wrote again.

"Is that so?"

Ponyboy nodded, erasing his words before I could see them. Steve grabbed the board from him and wrote something, handing it back. Pony smirked and erased it, writing heavily. When he turned it back, I noticed he had written in big dark letters:

**BITE ME.**

Steve glared with a smile. "You're an asshole."

Pony smiled and flipped him off, tossing the board onto the counter and walking out of the kitchen.

"What was that about?" I asked curiously.

"Even when the kid doesn't talk, he's still got a mouth on him." Steve shook his head and followed out after him.

XXXxxxxXXX

"Kid," Steve sighed, sitting down next to me on the front steps.

"What?" I asked, flicking my cigarette. Then I froze, seeing Steve do the same from the corner of my eye.

"So you _can_ talk," He said. I rolled my eyes. Of course I could talk. It's not like someone can just suddenly forget how to talk. I took another drag off of my cigarette, blowing the smoke out slowly.

"You know you need to knock it off." He sounded frustrated with me. I smirked.

"Damn it, Ponyboy," He groaned. "Just stop it. Stop whatever you're doin'. Talk to Soda. You're killin' him."

"I…I can't," I whispered, shaking my head.

"Why?"

"Leave me alone," I muttered, standing up and tossing my cigarette. I went back inside, letting the door slam behind me.

I used to hate the rain. When I was younger, my mom told me the rain was God crying. I'd sit on the porch and wonder what had made God so upset. Had it been something I said? Something I did? Later, when I found out what rain really was, I still imagined it was God. It rained when mom and dad died. Rained with Dally and Johnny died. I sometimes think God cries for me.

It was raining when Darry got home. And like I did when I was younger, I sat out on the porch, this time not wondering why God was crying. I think I knew. I didn't want to be inside with everyone else. Steve's words had hit me hard. I was hurting Soda, and I couldn't stand to do that.

"Hey kiddo." Darry came and sat beside me, watching the rain. We had a lot of summer storms here, which was nice when it got hot. I watched the drops splash against the pavement.

"You ok?" Darry asked. I nodded. Soda must have sent him out here. Darry wasn't one to usually confront someone about problems.

'Well…" He looked slightly uncomfortable. He cleared his throat. "I made you an appointment with your doc. Since your nightmares are back and all…"

I raised an eyebrow, suddenly getting it. They thought there was something wrong with me. And given, there was, but they felt the need to take me into a doctor to get it checked out. This was the point where my brother's no longer knew what to do.

"I wish you'd start talkin'," Darry sighed. "Soda and I miss your voice."

I shrugged, watching the rain let up. It was dark outside, but I could still see gray clouds in the sky. Why was I doing this? I could tell Soda. He would help me, I know he would. But then again, it didn't matter. Soda would try, but there was nothing he could do to fix it. I wished mom was here. I'd never felt the need to have her so close before. She'd know what to do. She always knew what to do. She could make anything better. I looked up at the sky, wondering where she was.

And somewhere in the world, God was crying.


	5. Unmarked

**Please ignore any typos. **

**I find that I get writing inspiration early in the morning, but I also lose sense of grammar and spelling early in the morning.**

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When I was younger I used to pretend I had magical powers and could make anything into what I wanted it to be. After a particular bad day at school, I remember that I came home and told my mom that I had turned one of my classmates into a frog. She asked if it made my day better; It did.

Back then I used magic to get rid of my problems. But then I grew older and things changed. My mom and dad died. My best friend died. And no amount of pretend magic would make that go away. This was real. And like my teacher told me that day, we all have to grow up and face reality at some point.

To make it worse, I was hurting the one person I loved more than anything in the world. Steve had so kindly pointed it out to me. I knew it was true though. Because I was hurting, Soda was hurting. And because I wouldn't tell him what was wrong, it was tearing him apart.

Instead of staying at home while Darry and Soda went off to work, I decided to venture off. I knew Darry would probably be mad that I was roaming around, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I'd make it back before he did and that was all that mattered to me.

I walked for the first hour I was out, but it was too hot. Instead of risking further melting myself, I ducked into the movie theater. For the first time in my life, I couldn't stay through the whole movie. The characters reminded me too much of myself and Soda. Too much of my life. I now understood why Darry didn't like movies.

I ditched the theater and hopped a bus. With no real place to go, I decided to ride it to the last stop. It took me exactly to the place I needed to be.

* * *

I shifted nervously on the couch, looking at the clock. Darry was mad. _Real _mad. He had come home from work to take Ponyboy to the doctor, only Ponyboy wasn't here. Darry waited…and waited…and still Pony didn't show.

The sun was starting to set and there was no sign of him at all. I wondered what was up with him. He never was one to miss appointments, especially when he knew how mad Darry would be. I was hoping to get sight of him before Darry did to see what had happened.

"Where the hell is he?" Darry grumbled, slamming the phone down.

"Nothin' from Steve?" I asked. He shook his head and sat down in the recliner.

"No one's seen him all day." Darry sighed in frustration. "Where could he be?"

"Relax Dar. He's probably at the movies or something."

"Well he needed to be _here. _Damn it, what's wrong with him lately?"

"I wish I knew," I said softly. Darry sighed again.

"Do you think something happened to him? Something that he doesn't wanna tell us about?"

"Like what?" I asked curiously.

"I dunno," Darry shrugged. "Maybe something he's embarrassed about."

"Or afraid of."

Darry ran his hands over his face. "Well that sure don't make me feel good. You don't think nothin' bad happened to him, do ya? He didn't get hurt or nothing?"

"I don't think so. He don't look hurt." I tried to remember if I saw anything out of the ordinary on my little brother; any bruises, cuts, or scrapes, but nothing came to mind. Other than the lifeless look in his eyes and the exhausted look in his face, there was nothing physically different about him.

"Well what could be so bad then?" Darry muttered.

"Pony's sensitive, Dar. Stuff affects him different."

"Yeah yeah. I know. He likes books and movies and art and all that junk." Darry cracked his knuckles. It was a habit he had for as long as I could remember. Just like Ponyboy popping his fingers. I wondered sometimes if they ever realized they did it. But then again, they had a lot of odd habits.

"Just don't be too hard on him, ok?" I begged. "We don't need him disappearin' anymore than he has."

"Soda," Darry warned, "I ain't gonna let him just walk away without gettin' in trouble. He needs to learn from his actions and I don't need you givin' me a rough time about it, all right?"

I rolled my eyes and glanced at the clock again. Silence fell between us. I got up and flipped the TV on. I couldn't stand the quiet. I threw myself back onto the couch and sprawled out. Ponyboy probably went off to clear his head. That's the best reason I could think of.

* * *

I couldn't stop the tears that fell down my face. I was such a baby sometimes, bawling my eyes out over things I should have gotten over a long time ago. But I didn't get over them. If I had, I certainly wouldn't have found myself at the cemetery.

I forgot how much it hurt to miss someone. To talk to someone who isn't there. To listen for their voice, but realize…you'll never hear it again. It's heartbreaking.

What's worse is that I also forgot Johnny's grave was unmarked. There was no headstone. I knew exactly where his plot was, but it hurt to think that Johnny wasn't good enough. That he was just a name the world would forget. Nothing left behind but the image of a broken boy that no one would remember. And that hurt worse than you can imagine. Because Johnny was never nothing. He was everything.

I didn't know where Dal was, or if he was even buried in this cemetery. I never asked. I talked to him as if he was with Johnny. Where his body really was didn't concern me. My parents were also buried here. Right next to each other, just like they lived. Their headstones still looked the same as the last time I had been there. I talked to them too. I talked to all of the people who were no longer in my life.

Instead of making me feel better, it only made me feel sad. I felt like there was a hole inside me. One that would slowly but surely start to spread until there was nothing left of me. I wondered if that was possible and for a split second I found it amusing to picture.

"Hey Greaser!"

And there lies the problem of walking alone, especially when it's dark out. Socs. Ones who don't care about territory lines because half the time they are plastered and looking for amusement. When I saw who the Socs actually were, I knew their game wasn't for amusement. It was for revenge.

"Look who it is," One of them said, his words slurring.

"You're in our territory," I said. I felt nervous, but my voice was strong.

"Do you see anyone who cares?" The Soc asked. I swallowed hard. There were five of them: all friends of Bob. I felt for my blade in my pocket. It was there, but I didn't wanna use it. I didn't wanna give them more reason to chop me to pieces. I was outnumbered and out of luck. Just like always.

"Too bad your little friend isn't here," A different Soc said. "Who's gonna stab us?"

"Shut up," I whispered. This made him angry. He looked at me in disbelief.

"What did you say, Greaser?"

I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from speaking again. I was making this worse. A lot worse.

"Who do you think you are, Greaser? Just cause you got your name in the paper and was called a hero you think you're something special? You ain't a hero. You're just a piece of white trash. And you know what else? Johnny deserved to die. He was just a waste of space that no one cared about. His parents didn't even love him. I wouldn't be surprised if he was in hell, where he belongs."

Have you ever had a moment where your brain stops working, but your body is doing something anyway? I had one of them right then. Before I could even register it, I punched that Soc in the face. Hard. Blood starting gushing from his nose, but his friends didn't let me have enough time to attack again. Someone punched me and I swung blindly, connecting with something. Then someone kicked me in the stomach. I felt to my knees, tears welling in my eyes. I couldn't see anything because it was moving too fast.

I felt a blow to the side of my head. Johnny didn't deserve to die. I hit someone with my foot from my position on the ground. Johnny wasn't a waste of space. Something sharp slid across my face and I cried out. Johnny wasn't in hell. He wasn't a bad person. And he was never nothing, he was everything.

To me.

I pulled my blade out at some point. I wasn't sure when, or if I even used it, because the next thing I knew they were running. I tried to clear my head to see why, but when I finally I did, I saw nothing. I wasn't sure why they took off, but I didn't care. I pulled myself to my feet and put my blade back in my pocket, standing for a moment to see how much pain I was in. My face hurt a lot, but not as much as my heart as did. The Soc's words had wounded me.

So I took off at a fast pace back to my house, tears flowing from my eyes again. Darry was going to be mad. Darry was always mad. I wasn't sure I could handle him yelling at me when the only thing I felt like doing was falling apart.

I needed something. Someone. Anything. Not anything, no. I needed…I needed…Soda. I needed my brother.

I ran up the stairs to the porch and shoved the door open, letting it slam closed behind me. Darry jumped to his feet, getting ready to yell at me. Soda was sitting up on the couch, rubbing his eyes. Before the words could come out of his mouth, Darry noticed my appearance. I forgot how bad I must have looked.

"Pony!" Darry hurried to me and grabbed my chin, turning my face to look at it. "What happened?"

The tears poured faster from my eyes and Darry released me, looking like he was afraid he hurt me. Soda stood up quickly and went towards me, but before he could get there I met him half way. I threw my arms around his midsection and held on tight, at this point sobbing.

Soda was shocked, but he reacted the moment I got to him and wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me in a bear hug. I cried onto his shoulder as he tightened his hold.

"Whoa Pone," He said gently. "What's a matter?"

I shook my head, noticing the blood staining Soda's shirt.

"Were you jumped, Pony?" Darry asked. He was closer now. I nodded.

"Dar?" Soda said. "First aid kit?"

I knew Darry well enough to know he nodded and went to the bathroom to get it. Soda rocked me gently, an action he may not have even been aware of, and rested his cheek against the side of my head.

"It's ok, Pone. You're safe. They ain't gonna hurt you no more."

And just like that, I felt the hole inside me start to grow. I knew that soon, the hole would expand until there was nothing left of me. Nothing but the image of a broken boy. A boy who wasn't good enough or strong enough to handle what the world through at him. I would soon be nothing more than an unmarked grave, nothing more than a name the world would forget.

Because I forgot how much it hurt to feel.

And that was worse than anything you can imagine.


	6. Heart Broken

**Sorry for the delay. I had a sick day so I decided to write! **

**And guess what? Today (err, depending on where you live. Today being the 15th) is my birthday! **

**Yay!**

**Enjoy.**

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"I never needed someone like I need you." My dad used to say that to my mom. In the moments where they thought they were alone and didn't realize they really weren't. They are alone now. Together. Up in Heaven, or…whatever is out there. They will spend eternity together.

I wonder how they think of me. Or if they ever think of me at all. Maybe wherever they are is so great that there are no worries, no troubles, no pain. Maybe they can't see me…maybe they don't want to. I wouldn't.

I think Darry felt the same. After my breakdown with Soda, he seemed nervous. He helped clean up my face and gave me some ice packs to put on my bruises before sending me to bed. Soda told me Darry was scared about taking me to the doctors cause they'd think he hit me. I thought that was dumb, but I knew Darry was right.

They never would have thought mom and dad would hit me.

* * *

Soda sighed and sat down next to me on the couch. Ponyboy was in bed now, hopefully sleeping. I'd never seen him act like that before, but then again, he'd been acting out of character anyway.

"What're we gonna do, Dar?" Soda asked, breaking the silence. I shook my head, cracking my knuckles.

"I wish I knew, little buddy," I sighed too. "I can't take him to the doc until his bruises fade."

"Can't you just tell them he was jumped?" Soda asked.

"And have them think I'm raisin' him in a place so dangerous that people jump him? He'll get sent to a boys home for sure."

Soda slid down on the couch, titling his head back. "He wasn't just upset about gettin' jumped. You know that, right?"

I gave him a confused look. "How do you know?"

"Cause he came from the cemetery."

I raised an eyebrow, gaping at him. "Cemetery? He told you he was there?"

Soda shook his head as he looked up at the ceiling. "He has a paper from it. Showed him where Johnny's plot was. It fell out of his pocket when he was changin' for bed."

"He shouldn't have gone that far without one of us," I said. Soda nodded, which surprised me.

"But it makes sense why he was so upset."

It did make sense, but then again, it didn't. I understood that Pony was upset cause he'd been at Johnny's grave, but I didn't understand why he went there. Pony usually knew better than to travel that far away, close to Soc territory.

"I guess," I said. "But still, what was he thinkin'? Why would he wanna go out there in the first place?"

"Maybe it has to do with what's been goin' on with him lately," Soda suggested.

"You're probably right. But unless he talks to us, we ain't gonna know what it is."

"I know," Soda said sadly. "I tried to get him to talk to me, but he just won't. That's not normal. Why won't he talk to me, Dar?"

I hadn't realized before how upset this was making Soda. Ponyboy usually confided in him with everything. Soda wasn't used to not knowing what was the matter with him.

"Don't worry about it, little buddy," I tried to reassure him. "We'll figure it out."

But I didn't know we would. I turned in for the night, knowing that Pony was safely home. I wanted to help him, but I didn't know what to do. I couldn't take him to a doctor yet and I couldn't just talk to him. I didn't understand what he was feeling.

As soon as I drifted off to sleep, I was awoken again. Loud screams filled the house. Only they weren't just screams of terror…they were screams of pain. The kind of pain you feel when you lost someone you love… when your heart is broken. I ran as quickly as I could and bolted down the hall towards Pony's room. Soda met me at the door, but we didn't stop. He got in first and jumped on Pony's bed. Ponyboy was still screaming, tears pouring down his face as he thrashed around.

"Pony, wake up!" Soda said loudly, putting a hand on his arm. I dropped to my knees and grabbed Ponyboy's shoulders, shaking him gently.

"Pone!"

Ponyboy gasped and opened his eyes, sitting up quickly. He was breathing hard, but after the initial shock of him waking so quickly wore off, I realized he was still gasping as though he couldn't get air in.

In a split second, I moved to sit on his bed and grabbed his shoulders again, speaking slowly. "Ponyboy, breathe. Deep breaths. Just relax or you're gonna pass out."

Soda rubbed his back while he tried to calm down. Pony closed his eyes and brought a hand up to his chest, swallowing hard.

"Keep breathin', Pone," I said. "In and out."

"It's ok now," Soda said gently. Those seemed to be the words that set Pony off. Tears fell from his eyes as he took in shaky breaths. I let go of him as Soda pulled him into an embrace.

"Don't cry, Pone," Soda said. "We'll get through this. Whatever's goin' on, we'll get through it."

"We always do," I added, giving Pony's shoulder a squeeze. He untangled himself from Soda and wiped at his eyes, his breathing finally a little better. I was still cautious, knowing that it wasn't where it should be. Ponyboy laid back down on his stomach, burying his face into his pillow.

"C'mon, Soda. We should let him sleep," I said, standing up. Soda looked at me, nodding his head.

"I'll be out in a sec."

I took the hint and left, closing the door behind me. I went back to my room and laid down, listening to the muffled sound of Soda's voice talking and Ponyboy sniffing.

* * *

I couldn't get back to sleep. Soda stayed with me. He talked for a while, I guess trying to distract me. I wasn't sure what he was doing, but it was nice to have him there. It didn't stop the feeling inside of me though. My heart felt like it was shattered into a million pieces. There was that hole inside of me, growing, swallowing me.

After Soda fell asleep, all I could do was watch the ceiling as thoughts passed through my mind. Why did Johnny have to die? Why did he have to live the life he lived? And why was I questioning all this now? I should have never gone to his grave.

I looked at the clock next to me. It was early. The sun was just beginning to rise. I couldn't sleep anymore though. I sat up quietly, being careful not to wake Soda, and slid my shoes on. I snuck out of my room and tiptoed down the hall. Sometimes Darry had ears like a bat. Before I left, I decided to leave a note. It was better than having Darry yell at me for not telling anyone where I went.

On my way out the door, I ran into Steve. Literally. He stopped for a moment, getting his balance back, and eyed me in my pajamas and running shoes.

"Where are you goin'?" He asked.

"None of your business," I muttered, moving to walk past him. He grabbed my arm, stopping me.

"I'm makin' it my business," He said in a dangerous voice. His grip tightened.

"Ow. Let go, Steve." I tried to pry my arm free.

"Does Darry know you're sneakin' out this early?"

"Yes," I said, annoyed. "I left a note. Now let go."

He still didn't let go. His painful grip only got worse. "Kid, I know we ain't the best of friends or whatever, but what the hell is goin' on with you?"

"Nothin'." I pulled my arm again and in return, he pulled me closer.

"Ponyboy Michael Curtis, are you doin' somethin' illegal?"

I gaped at him. "No!"

"Then why won't you talk? Why won't you tell anyone what's goin' on? Does this have somethin' to do with your parents? With Johnny?"

I narrowed my eyes. "You're reachin' dangerous territory. I'd suggest you shut up and let go of me. Now."

Realization seemed to dawn on Steve. He didn't let go of me though. He watched my face for a minute and then spoke.

"Is this about Johnny killin' that Soc?"

"This is about you lettin' go of me," I replied evenly.

"This is about you tellin' me what the hell is going on. Why are you thinkin' of this now? You need to let it go, Pony."

Remember how I told you about those moments where your brain stops working, but your body is doing something anyway? Yeah, I had another one. The anger inside me boiled and I couldn't see straight. Steve's painful grip made me even angrier, and I did the one thing that I probably shouldn't have done.

I punched Steve in the face…and ran.


	7. Hit and run

**Thanks for all the birthday wishes! I had a great one.**

**Also, thanks for all the reviews. Glad you guys are enjoying this and finding it amusing the way Pony talks and acts.**

**If you're reading my newest story, "The Days That Changed Everything", You can go on my profile and find the link to watch the trailer I made :D**

**If that doesn't work, go to youtube and type in "The days that changed everything (the outsiders)" and you find it. You'll see an image of a sleeping Sodapop.**

**Enjoy!**

**.**

**.**

There's something I should've remembered, but unfortunately I didn't. Painters paint, writers write, and runners…well, they run. And I shouldn't have forgotten that. I knew when Pony was upset, he ran. I should've known that was what he would do this time.

"Fukin' kid probably broke my nose," Steve grumbled while Darry looked at it. Steve had woken us up and told us that he'd upset Pony, which earned him a punch in the face. To say we were shocked was an understatement. I had asked what he said, but he wouldn't tell me.

"It ain't broken," Darry said. "Go to the kitchen and get some ice for it."

Steve grumbled to himself as he left the living room. Darry sighed, plopping down on the couch, and I looked at him.

"Think we should do somethin' now?" I asked. Darry glared at me playfully, but then sighed.

"What _can_ we do, Sodapop?" He asked me back. "Cause I ain't got a clue."

I sighed too and glanced at the door. "I dunno. I just don't. This ain't like him."

"Maybe you need to send him to a shrink," Steve said, walking back into the room with a bag of ice pressed under his nose.

"A shrink?" Darry questioned. "Why do you say that?"

"Cause the kid ain't over Johnny's death," Steve replied simply, throwing himself down on the couch next to Darry.

"How'd you know that?" I asked. He shrugged nonchalantly.

"He talks to me."

"What?" Darry gasped. "Since when?"

"Since he stopped talkin'. Don't know why he does, but when I ask him somethin', he answers." Steve pulled the ice away from his face. "That's why he punched me. I asked if he was pullin' this cause of Johnny and told him he needs to get over it."

"That was a great thing to say," Darry said sarcastically. "Where'd he go?"

"Hell if I know. He punched me and ran."

"He'll come back, don't worry," I said. "We just need to think of what to do when he does come back."

"Intervention?" Steve suggested.

"He ain't on drugs," Darry said.

"I know that," Steve replied. "Give him a last chance to talk. Tell him we know what's goin' on and just want to help."

"You mean like an ultimatum?" Darry asked. Steve and I looked at each other, eyebrows raised.

"A what?"

Darry rolled his eyes. "It's like a warnin' that unless he does somethin', we will."

"I guess it could work…" I said hesitantly. "I hate doin' that to him though."

"He punched Steve in the face, Sodapop," Darry sighed. "What else can we do?"

"Give him a little more time?" I offered. "We'll try and take him to the doc first maybe."

"Whatever," Steve said. "But if he punches me again, I'm punchin' him back."

"Punch him and _I'll_ punch _you_," Darry threatened. "Got it?"

Steve crossed his arms over his chest and slumped down, muttering to himself.

* * *

The only sounds I could hear were my shoes slapping against the pavement and my heart pounding against my chest. I had hit Steve. I had _punched _Steve. What was wrong me? And what would he do to me when I got back? I was in so much trouble. If Steve didn't do something, Darry would. I knew that.

I didn't know where I was running to. I just let my feet move like they itched to do. There was something coursing through my veins- adrenaline, fear…I have no idea, but it kept me running. It kept the thoughts swirling around in my head. Kept the pain in my heart.

My knuckles ached, but I wondered if I had caused more damage to myself than to Steve. Sure, I could hold my own in a fight, but I'd never punched someone straight in the face. And let's face it, Steve's not a soft person. Soda had taught me when you throw a punch, if you do it right, it shouldn't hurt you. Maybe he was wrong. Or maybe I didn't know to properly throw a punch. If there was one thing I didn't care to learn, it was how to punch perfectly.

As the thought crossed my head, I also realized Soda was going to know I punched his best friend. Knowing Steve, he probably went and woke Soda up right after I ran. At least I had a head start.

* * *

"Shut up, Two-Bit," Steve said angrily for the third time. I rolled my eyes as Two-Bit tried to contain his laughter. Soda looked slightly amused, but didn't speak.

"It ain't funny!" Steve punched Two-Bit in the arm. That made him stop. I stood up from my chair, trying to stop what would turn into a fight.

"Enough," I said. "Two-Bit, leave him alone. If you wanna tease him, do it at someone else's house. I don't need a fight here."

"Sorry," He said, rubbing the spot where Steve had punched. Steve fumed silently and threw himself down on the couch. His nose had caused underneath his eyes to swell slightly, leaving purple shadows.

"I ain't," Steve muttered. I gave him a warning glare. Two-Bit, trying to keep peace, started talking quickly.

"So when did he leave?"

"Around like five this mornin'," Soda said.

"Speakin' of, why were you up so early, Steve?" I asked.

"Old man was drunk. New record for him. I came to crash on the couch," Steve replied. I nodded in understanding.

"Why was Pony up so early?" Two-Bit wondered.

"He probably didn't go back to sleep after his nightmare," Soda said.

"He's havin' nightmares again?" Concern was etched onto Two-Bit face. He knew how bad Pony's nightmares could be. He'd seen them not long after my parents died.

"Yeah, past few nights they've been pretty bad," I sighed. "It's gettin' harder to wake him up."

"Why's the kid all bruised?" Steve asked suddenly, as if the thought just crossed his mind.

"He got jumped," I said.

"By who?" Steve cried. "Damn those Socs! They need to stay on their side."

"We don't know who it was, Steve," Soda interrupted. "He got jumped out by the cemetery."

"The cemetery?"

"Why was he there?" Two-Bit asked.

"To see the statue of liberty, dumb ass," Steve said.

"You wanna take your bad attitude outside?" I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest. He was getting on my last nerve. Soda stepped next to me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Cool down, Dar," He said softly. He turned back to Two-Bit, answering his question. "We think he was visitin' Johnnycakes grave."

Two-Bit shook his head, but didn't say anything. It seemed like there was something…something he knew, something he wasn't saying. I wasn't sure, but I was going to find out.

* * *

When I felt like my lungs were going to collapse, I stopped running. I was far away from my house. On the east side of town. I'd never been out there really, so I didn't know territory lines. Most of the places looked nice though, so I assumed I was in Soc town.

I walked around looking at all the places, trying not to think about what was going to happen to me. A few people came out of a door ahead of me, and as it opened, I heard someone playing a piano inside. I looked around cautiously and snuck over to the door, opening it and peaking my head inside.

It looked like a club. Or a restaurant. I guess more like a small restaurant. There were tables with people sitting and talking and a piano at the front. Whoever had been playing it was gone now and I stepped fully inside, not sure whether I was allowed to be here or not.

When no one noticed me, I continued to walk forward. I was already going to get killed, so I didn't feel too concerned about what would happen to me. Taking a leap of faith, I sat down at the piano. Still, no one noticed me.

I stepped on the left pedal to make the sound more quiet and hit a few keys. I didn't know much on the piano, but my mom and dad had taught me one specific song that I could never forget. Because my dad wrote it. Looking around again, I made sure no one was playing attention, and started into the song.

My fingers danced over the keys like they'd never forgotten. The sound was quiet, but it rung through my heart. I wasn't just playing for me. I wasn't just _remembering _for me. I was doing it for Johnny. For Dallas Winston. For Darry. For Sodapop. For my mom and for my dad. I was playing my heartache and my sorrow.

And deep in the moment, I closed my eyes, forgetting about everyone around me, and remembered the song my dad wrote not so long ago.

And I started to sing.


	8. Mom?

**Ok, this is a little confusing when you're reading, but there are only two point of views in this chapter. Pony and Soda. When you see the X's, that means it's still in the same point of view, just later in the day. Page break means it's a different view point. I think you'll be able to follow along. **

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**This is my favorite chapter so far :) Thanks for the reviews! **

**Enjoy!**

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I was smiling on the way home. I didn't remember until that moment I hit the keys how good it felt to play the piano again. It was as though my mom and dad weren't gone. As though Johnny and Dally weren't gone. When I played, everyone was with me. There was no heartache, no void in my chest. I wasn't alone.

With every footstep I took, I wondered what had possessed me to sneak into a restaurant and actually sit down at the piano. I never usually did something so…so…out of character. But then again, I hadn't been acting like myself. I was acting depressed over events that should've been let go. I was used to death. I had to be.

The closer I got to my house, the more my smile started to fade. I was in trouble. I had forgotten. I had punched Steve and ran. As if that wasn't out of character enough. I knew Darry was going to be mad. Real mad. That was the kind of behavior that Darry always tried to teach me not to do. He didn't want me fighting cause he didn't want me getting sent to a boy's home. And he probably didn't want me hurt either. Maybe.

The song from before was still ringing in my head. Lost in the moment, I hadn't realized that everyone was paying attention to me. If I had, I probably would have stopped. I didn't like being the center of attention. It made me anxious. But I had no reason to be nervous in that moment. When I finished my song, everyone clapped and cheered for me. I blushed in embarrassment and made to flee the scene, but the lady who owned the restaurant stopped me.

Darry's truck wasn't outside the house, meaning he had to have gone to work. That made me feel a little better, but then I thought about the fact that if he wasn't there, Steve could pound my face in. I shuddered at the thought. No, Darry wouldn't let that happen. Neither would Soda.

But Two-Bit might. I groaned to myself when I saw him sitting on the porch, waiting for me.

"Hey, kid," He said as I walked up the steps. I waved to him and headed inside, expecting the screen door to slam behind me, but it was stopped by Two-Bit who had followed after.

"Darry and Soda went to work," He said. I nodded and walked into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator and looking around. Two-Bit was hovering, making me feel irritated.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore and stood up, looking over at him. I raised my eyebrows at his suspicious face.

"Somethin' happened," He said slowly, a smile spreading across his lips. "You're…happy."

I smiled too, closing the fridge door and nodded. He followed me into the dining room and I sat down at the piano, running my fingers over the dusty keys, but not making a sound.

I hit one note tentatively and sighed softly. "I played today."

Whether he was shocked or not that I had spoken, he didn't show it. He put a hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Good for you, Ponyboy. Good for you."

And I smiled again, because he meant it.

He went back to the living room and sat down in front of the TV. "Oh, Ponyboy?" He called to me. I pushed myself back so I could see him.

"Sweet shiner you gave Steve," He winked. I rolled my eyes and focused back on the piano. If I listened closely, it still sung the notes my mom had taught it. It still cheered like happy children after their father finished his song. It still laughed from the memories.

If I listened, just close enough, it was alive.

XXX

"Ponyboy home?"

"Yeah, he's sleepin' in his room."

"How is he?"

I groaned and rolled over onto my stomach. I was tired, and for some reason, acutely aware that my face hurt. Like hell. I could hear voices out in the living room, keeping me from falling back asleep.

"He's…well, he was happy." That was Two-Bit. I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Really?" A voice that sounded like Darry asked in amazement.

"He played today, Dar."

There was silence for a moment. I was almost able to drift away, but Darry spoke again. "He hasn't played in years. Not since…not since my dad taught him that song."

"I know," Two-Bit said softly.

"Did you hear him? Was he good?"

"I wasn't there. He didn't play here."

"Where did he play?"

"I dunno. Just know that he did. And it made him happy."

I couldn't take it anymore. I pushed myself out of bed and stumbled to the drawer. Fumbling through my sleepiness, I found the bottle of sleeping pills and opened it, popping one in my mouth. I hadn't used one since that last nightmare on the ship. I just wanted to sleep though. My face was aching and everything seemed louder.

I collapsed back on the bed and buried my face in my pillow. I faintly heard the door open as Darry came in to check on me. He touched one of my bruises and I let out a soft moan. I was too tired to do anything else.

He said something that I couldn't make out and then my head was turned so he could look at my cut. He gingerly touched around it, probably checking the tenderness, but I passed out a moment later, finally letting sleep take the pain away.

* * *

"Hey Dar," I greeted as I walked in the door, Steve behind me. Two-Bit was sitting in front of the TV and Darry was in the kitchen.

"Hey Sodapop," He called back. Two-Bit stuck his hand out and tripped Steve, pulling it back before he could notice. Steve cracked his knuckles, preparing himself for the wrestling match that was about to begin. I kept walking and joined Darry.

"Ponyboy home?"

"Yeah, he's sleepin'." I took the spoon out of the pot that was on the stove and tasted whatever Darry was cooking. "Hey Soda?"

I looked up at him. "What?"

There was a smile tugging on the corner of his lips. "Ponyboy played today."

"Played what?" I asked, dropping the spoon back down. He looked out towards the dining room and then back to me, waiting for me to get it.

"Piano?" I gaped. Darry nodded, moving beside me to stir the liquid.

"He hasn't played since-"

"Dad's song. I know. But Two-Bit told me that when Pony came home, he told him he had played. And he was happy. He was actually happy."

"I didn't think that old piano was in tune," I said, still in amazement.

"It ain't," Darry said. "That's the part I haven't figured out yet. He didn't play here. Two-Bit doesn't know where he was."

"Huh." I thought for a moment. Where was there a piano that would let him play? I couldn't think of anywhere. "We'll have to ask him."

"You wanna go wake him? Dinner's ready."

"Sure, Dar." I left the kitchen, hearing Steve demanding Two-Bit to say "uncle." Two-Bit wouldn't give in though.

I knocked softly on Ponyboy's door and opened it, peaking my head in. He was sound asleep on his back, his head rolled to the side and arm slung out next to him. I walked in and shook his arm gently.

"Ponyboy?" He didn't move. I smiled and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Ponyboy, it's dinner time."

This time he let out a groan and mumbled something, but still didn't get up.

"C'mon Pone, wakey wakey," I tried again. "Don't you wanna eat?"

"No," He mumbled and rolled over. I let out a laugh. He was really tired.

"Ok, Pone. I'll save you somethin'."

I closed his door quietly behind me and went back to the kitchen. Darry was pulling out plates and setting them on the table.

"He's really tired," I said. "Barely even woke up to tell me he didn't wanna come eat."

"Wonder what's got him so exhausted," Darry muttered. I shrugged.

XXX

I fell asleep on the couch watching TV. Darry had gone to bed and Ponyboy was still asleep. I wasn't tired yet and decided to stay up and watch some shows to hopefully make me sleepy.

I woke around midnight to the sound of someone talking. It was dark except for the glow of the screen in front of me. Sitting up, I rubbed my eyes and yawned. I heard the voice again.

"Mom?" It was tired and confused.

_Shit_. It was Ponyboy. I had almost forgotten what his voice sounded like after so long of not hearing it. I quickly jumped up and found him stumbling down the hallway, reaching out blindly.

"Pony, it's ok. I'm here," I said, grabbing his hand. He rubbed his eyes with his free hand and blinked a few times.

"Where's mom?" He asked, his voice full of sleepiness and despair. It nearly broke my heart. I lead him down the hallway and flipped the lights on in the living room.

"Here, come sit down," I said. He shook his head, but let me move him there anyway.

"I was just there."

I looked at him in confusion. I couldn't tell if he was awake or not. "Pone, you were just in your room. I think you're a little tired."

"Can you get mom?" He mumbled, rubbing his eyes again. I kneeled down in front of where he was sitting and took his hands.

"Ponyboy, are you awake?" I asked. He nodded.

"I was just tired. She said she'd get it," He said.

"Get what, Pone?" I was really confused. I'd never seen Pony act like this before. He couldn't have been awake. He knew mom was gone.

"Is Darry mad I broke it?" He asked. I rubbed the top of his hand with my thumb.

"Broke what?"

"Can you get him?"

I nodded this time. That was something I could do. "Yeah, hang on Pone. Don't move."

I raced down the hallway and knocked on Darry's door, opening it and sticking my head in. "Dar?"

Darry groaned and rolled over. "What's wrong?"

"Um," I rubbed the back of my head. "Ponyboy wants you. He's actin' really weird. I don't think he's awake. He keeps askin' for mom."

"Ah hell," He muttered, sitting up and running his hands over his face. He threw his covers off and followed me back out to the living room where Ponyboy was still sitting.

"Hey Pone," Darry said. "What's wrong?"

"Can you get mom?" He asked again. Darry and I shared a look before he moved and sat down next to Pony.

"No, little buddy. I can't. What do you need?"

"She was gonna…but I couldn't get it…she told me she'd do it. I was just tired."

Darry scrunched his face in confusion. "Why don't you go back to bed, Ponyboy. You can get it in the mornin'."

"Dad said no," Pony tried to argue. He rubbed his eyes again, looking much younger than he actually was. "Where's mom?"

"Pone," Darry said with a gentleness I had rarely ever heard from him. "You know mom is gone."

Pony shook his head, tears filling his eyes. "I thought you'd be mad."

"I ain't mad at you, kiddo." Darry brushed some hair from Pony's forehead. "Now it's time to go back to bed."

"I need mom. Why won't you get her?" He asked through his tears. Darry sighed. He looked up at me in confusion.

"Why's he so lethargic?"

I shook my head. "I dunno. He was exhausted earlier. Maybe he's sleep walkin'."

Darry nodded as he thought about the idea, but then something seemed to shift in his brain. I could see it in his eyes as he moved suddenly.

"Ponyboy, I need you to listen to me, little buddy," He said, cupping Ponyboy's face. "Did you take somethin' before you went to bed?"

Ponyboy nodded. "Dad gave it to me."

"Oh no." Darry released him and stood up, rushing towards the bathroom. "No, no, no, no, no."

I heard him shuffling through the medicine cabinet. Something was connecting for him, but I didn't get it. He ran from the bathroom to Ponyboy's room. I could hear him rifling through stuff until he cursed under his breath and ran back out.

He dropped a few pill bottles on the coffee table and fell to his knees, searching through them. I watched in confusion until he picked one up and sighed.

"God damn it, Ponyboy," He muttered and sat back on his heels, handing me the bottle. I understood. That's why I couldn't wake Ponyboy earlier. That's why he was asking for mom and not making any sense. He was lethargic because sleeping pills were coursing through his system and he had woken up somehow.

And he was in trouble. Big, _big _trouble_._


	9. The Park

It was hard getting Ponyboy back to bed. He cried and told us that mom was getting something for him, that he needed to wait. No matter how much we talked to him, he just didn't seem to get it.

Darry was mad, but he toned it down for the state that Ponyboy was in. He used his gentle voice, as if he was talking to a little kid trying to explain something that made them upset. I wondered at first why he didn't yell at him even in his delusional state, but then I realized it was because Ponyboy would only get more upset. It was bad enough that he was asking for mom.

After what felt like a long time, we finally coaxed him back to his room and he fell asleep shortly after. Darry and I silently agreed. I would stay with Ponyboy tonight. And we would talk to him when he woke up.

That took a long time. He didn't end up waking again until it was dark out and Darry was home from work. I had taken the day off to watch him and make sure he was ok. When he woke up, he was groggy and a little confused as to why he slept the whole day. Before explaining anything, I took him out to the living room, calling for Darry as we sat on the couch. Darry must have warned Steve and Two-Bit not to come by until after we talked.

He came out with the pill bottle and put it on the coffee table, sitting himself down in his chair. Ponyboy's face paled and he stuck his hands between his knees, looking away.

"Ok, Ponyboy," Darry began. "We know about the pills. How long have you been takin' them?"

Ponyboy didn't say anything. I knew that was going to happen. I stood up and grabbed his whiteboard from the kitchen, coming back and handing it to him. He took it silently, not meeting my look as I retuned to my seat.

"Why did you take them?" I asked. I couldn't keep the confusion from my voice. "Don't you know how dangerous that is?"

Pony looked down and wrote on the whiteboard, flashing it up to us.

**What's so bad about it? Doctors give them to people.**

Darry sighed, trying to keep his cool. "Yes, they do. But they also do exams before givin' them to someone. Those are adult sized pills, Ponyboy. People under 18 ain't supposed to take them. They are dangerous."

**Dad took them.**

"Dad _stopped _takin' them," I pointed out.

**Cause he had nightmares.**

Darry gave him an astonished look. Ponyboy didn't know. "Ponyboy!" He cried in frustration. "Dad didn't stop takin' them cause of nightmares. He stopped takin' them cause he was gettin' addicted to them!"

"The only reason they were in the cabinet is cause mom wanted to keep them in case dad really needed one," I explained gently.

"You could've killed yourself," Darry said. "Why weren't you usin' your brain?"

Ponyboy took a deep breath. I knew him well enough to know he was getting angry. Darry continued on, either not knowing or not caring. "When are you gonna learn that your actions have consequences? When are you gonna finally start usin' that head of yours? God damn it, Ponyboy. You were never this careless when mom and dad were around."

I opened my mouth slightly, a little in shock. "Darry."

Ponyboy stood up and threw his board to the ground. He was fuming now. So angry that he actually began to talk, to yell. "Maybe because they cared about me! They didn't criticize every little thing I did! Dad made a mistake! And so did I! Why can't you let it go? Dad would've."

"Dad's not here, Ponyboy!" Darry yelled back. "I'm all you got now! And I need you to realize that not usin' your head is gonna get you hurt!"

Ponyboy laughed bitterly and shook his head, moving slowly around Darry as he spoke. "Then you should realize somethin' too. You may be my legal guardian, but you are NOT my dad. And you _never_ will be. Dad was carin' and understandin', and you're…you're nothin' like him. So stop pretendin'. You'll never be."

Ponyboy opened the front door and slammed it closed behind him, taking off. Darry stood in shock, not moving to go after him. His face was set, but his eyes were soft and hurt. He had been wounded. I didn't move either, not sure what to do.

"Darry…" I began. He put his hand up, cutting me off.

"Just go get him," He said without emotion. I nodded and stood up, grabbing my coat and hurrying out the front door.

I wasn't sure where to look, but I didn't have to look long. I found him in the last place I ever thought I would. The park. Not just _a _park, but _the _park. The one where Johnny killed that Soc. The one where Ponyboy was nearly drowned. The one that sent his life into a turn of events that destroyed him and took away two members of our group; two of our friends. Not just that, but Ponyboy's best friend.

He was sitting on the merry go round, staring at the fountain. Unshed tears were glistening in his eyes as I came up and sat next to him.

"You ok?' I asked. I knew he wasn't though. He didn't answer, but I saw him shiver and pull his arms tighter around himself. It was cold out and he once again wasn't wearing a coat. I slid mine off and slung it around his shoulders, bracing myself for the chilly night. He didn't say anything, but he gave me a watery smile, pulling the coat closer around him.

I sighed, not sure what to say. Not sure where to start. He was hurting, but for the first time, I didn't know how to help him. He had been through so much stuff that no one should have to face. I thought about it as I watched the water in the fountain bubble.

"Were you scared?" I finally asked. Of all the questions, it was the one weighing on my heart. He knew exactly what I was talking about. It took him a moment of staring at the water that had almost killed him before he nodded.

After a few minutes of him not speaking, I spoke again. "Why'd you come here?"

He shrugged and subconsciously pulled the fabric of my coat tighter again. I bit my lip and watched him carefully. He looked like he was ready to start bawling.

"Pone," I said, "Why don't we go back to the house?"

He shook his head stubbornly, more tears filling his eyes. I put a hand on his shoulder gently. "C'mon, Pone. Bein' here is only gonna make you feel worse."

Finally something snapped inside him and the tears rolled down his face. He stood up and let my coat fall to the ground. He was shaking, but not from the cold air. I stood too, slowly so I wouldn't frighten him.

"I don't wanna go back there," He said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Why?" I asked.

His lips trembled and he took a step away from me, closer to the fountain. "Cause Darry doesn't love me."

"Ponyboy…you know that's not true…"

"Really?" Ponyboy asked, his voice raising as he spun around to look at me. "Then why does he criticize me? Why does he always put me down? Why can't I ever be good enough for him? Nothin' changed, Sodapop. He's still the same old Darry."

"Ponyboy, you _are _good enough for him. He just shows love in a different way. He doesn't mean to make you feel bad. He loves you, Pone. Really. He just has a lot more stress on him then he should."

Ponyboy scoffed and wiped at his eyes. He walked over to the fountain, closing the distance between him and it. He stared into the water silently, scaring me slightly.

"Ponyboy…" I whispered, walking closer. He swallowed hard and kneeled down, moving his hand slowly, trailing his fingers along the water. I didn't move.

"Maybe I should've died." His voice was so quiet that I barely picked up the sound, but I knew I heard him right. "Would've made things easier."

I made it to him in two steps and fell to my knees. I pulled him away from the water and grabbed his shoulders, looking into his eyes.

"Don't you ever say that, Ponyboy. Ever." I pulled him into an embrace, crushing him against my chest. He was trembling. I whispered into his hair, blinking back tears. "I couldn't live without you."

"Darry could," He said, sniffing.

"None of us could. Darry loves you, Ponyboy."

He dug his fingers into my back, sobbing quietly. "I w-wish mom a-and d-dad were here."

I closed my eyes and held his shaking body closer. I rubbed the back of his head, hoping to calm him, but I was angry. And there was only one person it was aimed towards.

Darry.

* * *

Two-Bit and Steve were sitting on the floor in front of the couch, playing a game of cards on the coffee table. I looked up at the clock again as I walked around them, heading towards my room. Soda and Ponyboy had been gone for a while. I had no worry that Soda had found him. If he hadn't, he would've come home a long time ago and told me. I just wondered what they were talking about.

Maybe Ponyboy was finally opening up to him. Maybe they were working things out. I could only hope things were going OK as I started walking back towards the living room.

Midway down the hall, I heard the front door open and slam shut. Soda had come in. Only he wasn't with Ponyboy. His eyes searched around, ignoring the greeting from his two friends on the ground, until he found me. He moved quickly and in a flash, shoving me against the wall.

"Tell him!" He demanded. I looked at him in shock and confusion. I could easily get out of his grip, but I didn't. The main reason being the fact that tears were pouring down his face. He was upset.

"Tell who?" I asked.

"Ponyboy! Tell him!"

"Tell him what?"

Soda released his grip slightly and then shoved me into the wall again to make a point. "Tell him you love him!"

I moved in a flash, breaking from his grip and forcing him to the ground. I noticed Steve was stopping Two-Bit from coming over to us as I sat over Soda, pinning his arms down.

"Ponyboy knows this, Sodapop. Now calm down and talk to me."

He shook his head adamantly. "No, he doesn't."

I released him and sat back on my heels. He sat up and wiped at his tears angrily. His voice, however, was softer when he spoke.

"Tell him you love him, Darry. Tell him you need him. That you can't live without him. Cause this ain't Windrixville." His voice broke and he ran the back of his hand across his nose, looking up at me with broken eyes. "Tell him. Cause when he leaves this time, Dar…He ain't comin' back."


	10. Soda's thoughts

**Well I feel like this story has taken a turn for the worse. It started out better. Oh well, I'll try and fix it. **

**Thanks for the reviews :)**

Soda was upset with me. As much as I tried to understand, I couldn't. Ponyboy knew I loved him and cared about him, so what was the big deal? The more I thought about it though, the more I realized it must have been something Ponyboy said or did that made Sodapop think I didn't love him. Which meant, in fact, Ponyboy _didn't_ know I loved him.

He had been out on the front porch. That's where Sodapop had left him when he came in to corner me. Apparently Ponyboy hadn't wanted to come inside, so I went outside to talk to him. He was sitting on the steps, wrapped up in Soda's coat, but still shivering. I came over and sat next to him, looking up at the sky. He didn't say anything, just wrapped his arms around his stomach to keep himself warm.

"You should go inside, Pone. It's freezin' out here," I suggested. He shrugged and didn't move. I sighed.

"Ponyboy," I began awkwardly, "You know…" He glanced at me, waiting. I swallowed hard and looked away. It shouldn't be this complicated. "You know I love you, right?"

He nodded. I took another look at him, scrutinizing his face. "I'm serious, Ponyboy. You do know I love you? Cause to Sodapop it doesn't seem like you do."

He sighed and nodded again. I realized that was the only response he was gonna give. He was back to not talking.

"Ok then," I said, willing myself not to sigh too. I stood up and stretched my arms. "Come inside before you freeze."

He got up and followed me into the house. Sodapop was still sitting on the couch where I left him, Steve at his side not saying a word, but there for comfort. Two-Bit was on the floor watching the TV, which seemed to be keeping all three of them distracted until the door closed.

Soda looked back at me and then locked eyes with Ponyboy. It was Two-Bit that surprised me though, jumping to his feet and coming over.

"Hey Pone, come help me for a second. I need horse power." He grabbed Ponyboy's arm and drug him back outside again, making me groan.

"Two-Bit!" I yelled after him, but he was out of sight. "Damn it. Ponyboy's gonna catch pneumonia out there."

"Chill Dar, he'll be fine. He's got a coat on," Steve said.

"'Sides, Two-Bit probably won't keep him out long," Soda added. They were both a bit distracted with the show on in front of them. They didn't know what I was thinking though. And the idea that Two-Bit knew something that he wasn't telling anyone was only getting stronger in my mind.

* * *

Two-Bit and Ponyboy came back inside a few minutes later. Darry was in the kitchen and Steve and I were still in the living room, watching TV. Two-Bit stopped and joined us, but Ponyboy kept on walking, going to his room. I let him go, knowing the thing he wanted most now was probably to be alone.

I didn't mean to be mad at Darry. I knew, deep inside, that Darry did love Ponyboy. I just wished he would show it better. Wished he would tell him in words. They both had promised things would change after the whole Windrixville incident, but maybe Ponyboy had been right…maybe nothing was different. If he still couldn't tell that Darry cared for him, things didn't change at all. Sure, they weren't at each other's throats all the time, but they didn't have a very close relationship.

Steve and Two-Bit left a couple hours later and me and Darry retreated to bed. He didn't say anything about what I had said earlier. He probably didn't know what to. He bid me goodnight and that was it.

I climbed into bed and stared up at the dark ceiling. Thoughts about earlier kept entering my head. Ponyboy saying he should've died while he stood at the same fountain that had nearly killed him... It made my heart ache, and I had to bite back my tears.

I sat up and rubbed my face. I needed to check on him; something inside me was telling me so. I couldn't sleep anyway, so I got up and stumbled my way through the darkness into the hall. I could hear Ponyboy before I got to his door. He was moaning softly, his bed creaking as he tossed and turned. I hurried into his room and kneeled down, shaking him.

"Ponyboy."

He woke up instantly and stopped moving. His pupils wandered around for a second before he looked at me, eyes misty. I rubbed his arm, waiting for him to calm down.

"You ok?" I asked. He nodded, but didn't look away. His eyes were searching my face, making me feel a little unsettled. He looked…lost. I patted his arm and moved to stand up, but he grabbed me. I looked down at him.

He seemed torn at first, wanting to speak and not wanting to say what he was thinking. Finally he looked away and tugged a little on my hand as his spoke softly.

"Will you…stay…with me?" He asked. I gave him a smile and nodded.

"Of course." I moved to the other side of the bed and laid down, flinging an arm over him just like I used to. I felt him scoot in closer and settle down. For a while, I was aware that we were both not sleeping, just laying in the silence. He was hurting and I knew it. I could feel it. So I stayed quiet and hoped I could ease some of his pain, maybe even for one night.

When I woke up, he was still asleep. For the rest of the night, he had slept peacefully, reminding me that he really did do better with someone in the room with him. He looked comfortable and I hated to move and ruin it, but I had work.

I slid from the bed carefully, trying not to move him too much. I closed his door behind me once I stepped out and turned around, noticing Darry had been walking by and stopped, eyeing me.

"He ok?" He asked. I nodded.

"Bad dream," I said, continuing down the hall towards the bathroom. I saw Darry nod as he followed behind me and we parted ways. Steve was already in the living room with Two-Bit, waiting. I took a quick shower and hopped out in my towel, trying to find my clothes.

"Soda, how many times do I gotta tell you?" Steve asked, shoving a piece of chocolate cake in his mouth. "Boss hates when you come to work naked."

I smirked and hit him, laughing.

"Your shirt's in my room," Darry called from the kitchen.

"Why?"

"Don't ask me. You're the one who loses clothes."

"Had a romantic night with someone in Darry's room?" Two-Bit joked.

"Soda's too classy for that," Steve chimed in. "He does it in the bathroom at the DX with those girls that come by to flirt."

I hit him again. "That's you, Steve-o."

"Correction, that's Steve's _dream. _We all know he couldn't get any," Two-Bit said.

"Shut up," Steve threatened, waving his cake in the air.

I went to my room first and threw on my jeans, then hurried to Darry's and found my shirt. On my way back, I saw Ponyboy coming out of his room, closing the door behind him. He didn't seem to notice me because he stayed staring down at his door for a few seconds before letting go of the handle.

And then, something weird happened. First, all the sounds around me jumbled together. Then, everything started moving in slow motion. The only thing I could see was Ponyboy, slowing walking down the hall. But it was more than that. I could see Two-Bit, Steve, and Darry in the background, laughing and shoving each other, having fun. And Ponyboy was alone.

Alone. Johnny was dead. His best friend was gone. Here we were, able to laugh, able to joke, to have fun, but Ponyboy was hurting, because the only person he wanted to joke with was buried six feet under. It didn't matter how long he had been gone. First our parents, then two friends.

I think, for the first time, I finally started to get it. How Ponyboy felt. I didn't understand what had made him stop talking, made him think he should've died, or what was making him act the way he was, but I saw the pain.

I heard Darry ask my name before I felt myself falling. My eyes rolled up into my head and everything got dark. But for the first time, I understood.

Ponyboy was lonely.


	11. I wanted a dog

**Please excuse all spelling and grammar mistakes. It's four in the morning and I really lose all sense of writing this early. **

**Now, in order for this story to be remotely "true", you must pretend the song "Walking in Memphis" was written by Ponyboy's dad**

**and had nothing to do with Elvis. It's a story, we all get a little layaway room :)**

**Next, if you're one to read into things too deeply, this is a chapter you wanna do it. You might be able to figure out what set Ponyboy off in his beginning dream. You know...the reason why he's so depressed*hint hint***

**Lastttt, thanks for all the reviews :)**

**Enjoy.**

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"Sodapop."

I could hear the voice from far away. It sounded familiar. I knew that voice. It was Darry. I couldn't get to him though. I had no idea where I was. I just knew it was dark and I couldn't move.

"Sodapop, wake up, little buddy."

Something hard jolted me from the darkness and I opened my eyes, taking a minute to adjust. When they settled, I realized Darry and Steve were learning over me, and Two-Bit and Ponyboy were standing behind, looking concerned.

"Are you ok?" Darry was asking me, but my mind was moving slowly. I couldn't remember why I was on the ground. By the time his first question registered in my mind, he was asking another one. "Sodapop, can you hear me?"

"Yeah," I said after a few seconds, my brain starting to clear. I pushed myself up onto my elbows, Darry and Steve sitting back on their heels to look at me.

"How do you feel? Are you ok?" Darry asked again.

"What happened?" I asked in confusion.

"You passed out," Steve said. "You hit the ground hard."

"Are you ok, Sodapop?" Darry repeated, heavily concerned. I stopped for a moment and thought about it.

"Yeah, I'm ok."

"You feel sick? Lightheaded? Should I take you to the doc?"

I shook my head. "I'm fine, Dar. I feel a little sick, but that's it."

"Do you know why you passed out?" Two-Bit asked. "Did you feel anythin'?"

I thought for a moment and shook my head again. "I dunno."

"He needs to eat," A small voice said. Everyone turned to him. Ponyboy was looking at me with a serious look in his eyes.

"When's the last time you ate?" Darry questioned me. I tried to think back, but the few moments of silence were enough to let Darry know it had been too long. I had been so caught up in everything that I hadn't gotten a decent meal. I mostly picked at my food, my mind too focused on other things.

"Well that settles it," Darry sighed, helping me to my feet. "We're gonna get some food in you. Thanks, Ponyboy."

Ponyboy gave him a nod and followed us silently into the kitchen. Darry made me sit down and pulled out the healthiest stuff he could find in our cupboards. I groaned inwardly while Ponyboy sat down next to me.

"You all right, Sodapop?" Two-Bit asked me, walking past to help Darry. I nodded and gave him a smile. I wasn't sure why it took me passing out to get it, but I had learned something.

Ponyboy was pale and he kept his gaze down, staring at the table intensely. He looked sick, like how I felt, only worse. I glanced at him nervously.

"Hey," I said, making him look up. "You ok?"

He nodded and swallowed hard. For a moment I thought he might puke, but then Darry came in and sat food down in front of both of us. To my surprise, Ponyboy started to eat. He hadn't really been eating much before that. I dug into my own food, starting to feel better after the first bite.

* * *

When I was ten, I wanted a dog. More than anything in the world. Darry didn't care for one, even when he was young, and Sodapop was on my side. He loved animals, but never pestered our parents for one after his horse. Maybe it was cause we couldn't afford it. When I was ten though, I didn't quite understand the concept of "broke."

I begged my mom day after day to get one. She was the one I needed approval from. Dad was too much like Sodapop to make a rational decision about it. But day after day, she said no. I'd bring it up occasionally after that, promising I would take care of it and saying all the things little kids do. Like I'd never ask for anything again, I would take it for walks and clean up after it, all that nonsense. Literally, for three years, I never gave up on the idea. When I turned into a teen, she started to consider.

That day she told me we'd discuss it. But we never did. Things ended too soon. And I made all the promises I did before, but differently. I asked the skies above to not let them be dead. I told it I'd take care of things, I'd be better, I'd be more responsible. If it gave my parents back, I'd never ask for anything again.

You can't bargain with greater forces. They win in the end. They always win. They took my mom and dad, and they took Johnny and Dallas.

And it was all my fault.

XxX

The days passed by slowly. Anytime I could ditch Two-Bit, I did. He always asked where I went, but I wouldn't tell him. I still wasn't really talking, but I was doing something else instead.

That lady who had stopped me at the restaurant before asked why she'd never seen me around. I told her I lived across town and had wound up there by accident. So she invited me back to play again, since it was a very free style kind of atmosphere. With permission, anyone could go up and play. She said the song I sang had been inspirational and wondered who the artist was. I told her the truth; that my dad had written the song, I had been taught it, but now he was gone and I was the only person to have ever played it since him.

Still, she invited me to come back anytime I wanted. So, I did. I wasn't much of a singer, and sure as heck wasn't much of a piano player. I only knew that one song and "Mary Had A Little Lamb", which probably isn't a crowd pleaser. Still, despite my average talent at faking things, the people who ate there always seemed impressed. And, after a few more times of playing, I noticed specific people would come back when they got word I was there.

I wasn't playing for them, though. I wasn't even playing for me. I was playing for my dad. That song was his and when I played it for those people, it was like I was showing them the great man my father was. I was bringing him back to life for a few minutes, shining his light to a group of strangers. It felt…right. It felt good to show them who he was.

I hadn't gone there much, just a few times or so, but every time it was wonderful. I'd catch the bus and walk home smiling. I'd make it home just as the sun was setting so Darry wouldn't blow a gasket. He warned me to never go out in the dark by myself. But by the time I reached the steps, the familiar pain would return. Because when I walked in the house, my parents were never there. And they never would be again. Because Johnny wasn't there, to happily demand I take him with me so he could see me play, and he never would be again. Because Dallas wasn't there, to call me some name for playing a piano and singing-though a hint of a smile would play at his lips-and he never would be again.

And never…is an awfully long time.

* * *

I came home to a quieter house. It was late and I had worked overtime. Steve and Two-Bit weren't home, having probably gone to their own houses. The TV was on, but neither Sodapop nor Ponyboy were out in the living room watching it.

I headed down the hall to see where they were. I found Sodapop in Ponyboy's room, sitting on the side of his mattress. Ponyboy was on his stomach under a mountain of blankets, sound asleep.

"Hey," I said softly. Soda looked up at me. "Ponyboy under there somewhere?"

"Lemme check," He said with a smile, poking him. Ponyboy moaned and swatted his hand away. Soda turned back to me. "Yup."

I laughed. "Come to the kitchen with me."

"Ok." He stood up and followed me out there. I grabbed some leftovers from the fridge and pulled out a plate.

"So do you know where he keeps wanderin' off too?" I asked. Soda shook his head.

"Nope. Two-Bit says he just disappears. Like he ain't even in our town anymore."

"You wanna do something fun?" Soda gave me a look, like I was a completely different person. He raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue. "Follow him tomorrow. You have the day off. You and Two-Bit make like you're leavin' somewhere and wait till he leaves."

"Ok," Soda said slowly. "But why?"

I sighed. "I don't like him runnin' off alone. Let's at least find out what he's doin'. There's some reason he wants to be alone when he does and I don't need him gettin' into something bad."

Soda smiled. "I'm down. I'll call Two-Bit."

* * *

Two-Bit and I hid in the shadows and ducked into alleyways whenever Ponyboy turned around. At one point, I though he'd seen me, but he kept walking as though he hadn't. We couldn't understand where he was going. He was heading to a different part of town, just like Two-Bit had joked.

After a ton of walking, I was wondering if he'd ever stop. Just as I began to wear out, he slowed his pace and opened a door on the side of a building. Two-Bit and I looked at each other and then back to the door as it closed.

"What is that place?" I asked.

"No idea. Let's walk around and see if we can tell."

Even after we saw the sign for it on the front, we couldn't tell. I'd never heard of the place and I didn't know if we could just walk in. I decided we'd go through the door Ponyboy did. Darry told me to watch him, which meant I needed to figure out what he was doing.

We opened the door slowly and I stuck my head in before motioning Two-Bit forward. It looked like a restaurant or a bar. In the front, someone was playing a grand piano and everyone was watching him. We stayed back against the wall as we scanned over the crowd, looking for Ponyboy.

"Sodapop!" Two-Bit whispered, grabbing my arm.

"What?" I asked. I realized the song the person was playing was a song that sounded familiar. A song I had only heard once before…

My mouth opened in shock when I realized that person was Ponyboy.

"_Now Muriel plays piano every Friday at the Hollywood. And brought took me down to see her, and they asked me if I would…_" Ponyboy sang, looking like he was lost in the song. I stood on my tiptoes to see him better.

"…_do a little number, and I sang with all my might. She said "Tell me, are you a Christian, child?" and I said-" _Ponyboy slammed his hands down, a smile on his face. "-_Ma'am I am tonight_!"

The crowd started cheering and Two-Bit joined in, whooping loudly. I couldn't help but join in too. That was my baby brother. I had a right to be proud.

The crowd quieted down again as the song slowed, the ending near. Ponyboy ran his fingers across the notes that he'd been taught so long ago. I understood why he was happy when he played. Because it was like mom and dad were still here, watching proudly while he showed them what he learned.

"…_Touchdown in the land of the Delta Blues… in the middle of the pourin'…rain._"

Everyone started clapping and cheering again. Ponyboy stood up, took a bow, gave an embarrassed smile and walked away. I was still clapping along with everyone else when Two-Bit grabbed my arm again.

"C'mon, let's go find the little rock star before he leaves."

I smiled. For some reason, I'd never been more proud of my little brother than that moment. That surely wasn't what Darry had been expecting.


	12. Things we didn't mean to say

**Thanks for all the reviews :)**

**Hope you like this chapter, but sorry for the cliffy at the bottom..**

**Don't be mad? :)**

**Enjoy.**

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Ponyboy was still blushing when we got to him. There were two older people talking to him, telling him how great he did. Two-Bit and I stood back casually and waited until they were gone. I still couldn't believe my eyes. Ponyboy was a shy kid. What had given him the courage to go up in front of people?

Two-Bit started clapping slowly and I joined in, smiling as we walked forward. Ponyboy turned around and his face flushed.

"Bravo," Two-Bit said.

"Encore, encore!" I teased. Ponyboy looked down, wringing his hands together. I softened my voice. "Don't worry Ponyboy, you ain't in trouble."

"Not with us at least," Two-Bit added. I smacked him across the head. "What? It ain't my fault Darry don't appreciate the finer arts."

Ponyboy raised an eyebrow and gave me a look. I laughed and hooked my arm around his neck, pulling him close and ruffling his hair.

"I don't try to understand him," I said. "I just bring him along cause he ain't got no other friends."

"Hey!" Two-Bit said defensively, but I cut off the rest of his reply.

"Why didn't you tell us, Ponyboy?" I asked. Ponyboy shrugged and patted me on the back before he wiggled out of my grip. I rolled my eyes. Still wasn't talking.

"Well I don't know about you, but I'm itchin' for some food." Two-Bit rubbed his stomach and started heading towards the door. "Let's get some grub."

"We're in a restaurant, Two-Bit," I pointed out obviously, waving my arms around.

"You think I'm made of money?" He replied.

"You sure aren't made of anything better," I muttered, making Ponyboy smile. We followed Two-Bit outside and then headed back towards our territory. I knew Two-Bit was playing it safe. We certainly weren't in a greaser neighborhood.

He chatted happily, still amazed at Ponyboy, who still hadn't said a word. I joined in Two-Bit's boasting and we got a few smiles from him, but that was all. I knew what he was worried about. What was Darry going to say? He'd be mad for sure. He told Ponyboy never to walk alone and if he found out how far he'd really been going…well, Ponyboy would be grounded for sure.

We stopped at a Dairy Queen and I ordered for Ponyboy.

"And he was like "Walkin' in Memphis"," Two-Bit sang in a high pitched voice. "And the crowd was like "Yeeeaahhh! Go Ponyboy! Yeahhhh!"" Two-Bit mimicked a fake crowd, cupping his hands around his mouth. Ponyboy laughed as our food was set down.

"They loved him! He was like a rock star!"

I laughed too. "I _was_ there, Two-Bit. I saw too."

"Oh c'mon, Sodapop! Get excited! Your little brother is famous!"

I smiled and took a bite of my hamburger while Two-Bit chatted on. Ponyboy didn't eat much and ended up throwing away most of his food. He tried to do it without me or Two-Bit noticing, but he was unsuccessful. We shared a silent glance as we left and started back home.

XxX

What I didn't know was that Darry had been brewing things up in his mind the whole day. When he got home, I noticed the signs. Darry had these times where he would think up everything that can go wrong and everything that _has_ gone wrong and combine them into this swirling wave of emotions. This time it had been about Ponyboy. I knew from experience.

"Dar…" I cornered him in the kitchen right after he walked through the door. When Ponyboy had heard his truck coming up, he'd left the living room to hide in his own room. He didn't want to deal with Darry. He didn't want to be in trouble.

"Hey, Sodapop," He said without really paying attention, searching the fridge for something to drink. When I didn't respond, he stood up and looked at me. "What?"

"What's wrong?" I asked. He closed the door and took a drink from the Pepsi he had grabbed.

"Nothin', why?" He countered, eyeing me suspiciously. "Did you find out what Ponyboy is doin'?"

"Yeah…" I said slowly, being careful to test the water I was about to step into it. Darry let out an exasperated sigh.

"Please tell me he ain't doin' something illegal."

"He ain't," I said. "But that don't mean you're gonna like what he's doin'."

"Sodapop, just spit it out and tell me. Is he hangin' with someone bad? Gettin' into something he knows we don't approve of? What?"

I tried to hold back a smile, which seemed to frustrate Darry a little bit more. "He's playin' piano."

"Excuse me?" Darry was staring at me with a dumbfounded look.

"At some restaurant. He goes there and plays the song dad wrote. He sings too."

"He…what?"

I had to laugh at Darry's face. Faintly, I could hear Two-Bit cracking up in the living room and I knew he was listening too. "He sings, Darry. He ain't half bad either."

Darry was still for a moment, his eyebrow raised. "Are you kiddin' me?"

I chuckled. "Nah, Darry. I'm serious. The crowd loves him too. Man…you oughta hear him. It's like listenin' to dad all over again."

"I…" Darry still seemed to be in a bit of shock. "Where does he play at?"

I cringed this time and looked away, biting my lip. "Well…that's the part you ain't gonna like."

"Sodapop."

"He plays out on the east side of town. I don't remember the name of the place. It's…well, it ain't exactly greaser territory."

"And he goes there by himself?" He asked. I nodded. "He takes the bus all the way out there alone?"

"Not…exactly…" I glanced at Ponyboy's door. I knew he could hear us too. "He kind of walks…"

"He _what_?" Darry said sharply. "He walks there? _Alone_?"

I nodded again. Darry set his drink down and moved to head towards Ponyboy's room, but I grabbed his arm.

"Dar, stop," I said, pulling him back. "Cut him a break."

"Sodapop, I've told him countless times not to walk alone. He needs to understand how dangerous that is!"

"I'm sure he knows, Dar," I said reasonably. "But this is something he really wanted to do. He didn't get hurt and he actually was happy. Genuinely happy."

I needed to make Darry understand before he exploded.

* * *

I could hear them. Every word traveled through the walls and into my brain. Darry was mad. Instead of being mad at what I was doing, he was mad that I traveled there all alone. I understood that. Really, I did. But I was mad too. Instead of looking at the positive of anything that had to do with me, all Darry did was look at the bad. I had found something that made me happy, that made me feel like things were slightly ok, and all he could do was tear my dreams out from under me.

Before Darry could make it to my room, I decided to confront him. I knew Sodapop had been holding him back, but now _I_ wasn't holding anything back.

I ripped open my door and made it to the kitchen in a split second. I stood in the doorway, my arms crossed, and didn't move. Sodapop was the first to notice me because Darry's back was towards me. He stopped talking and watched me, which made Darry turn around to see what he was looking at.

It was silent for a few moments. The whole time my vision was turning red. Soda said something, but I wasn't sure what it was. I was in a sudden death staring contest with my older brother.

And then…I was screaming. And Darry was screaming. And Soda was trying to calm us both down as we yelled at each other, each saying what we'd be holding back. At some point, Two-Bit had come and stood in the doorway where I had been before. Only bits and pieces of what we were actually saying came into my brain.

"…you don't even care! You never care!"

"What are you talkin' about? Of course I care!"

"…Ponyboy, calm down…"

"…and that's what you wanted, isn't it? It's what you always wanted!"

"…and you know better than that! Why are you makin' me out to be the bad guy?"

"…I'm _not_ that kid anymore! I ain't some little baby needin' protection!"

"…think that just cause I don't let you get away with things, I don't love you? Are you kiddin' me, Ponyboy?"

"…for me! Every little thing I do is bad! Maybe I should just leave and never come back! I'm sure that would make you much happier!"

"Well maybe it would!"

And then silence. I hadn't been expecting Darry to say that and neither had anyone else, including Darry himself. For a few seconds my ears were ringing and I was breathing hard, and nothing else was happening.

"Darry…" Sodapop whispered in shock. Darry turned on him.

"Don't." He turned back to me, his face full of guilt. Suddenly all I could think of was my mom and dad, Johnny, Dallas, the day Darry hit me and everything changed. All I could think was that Darry didn't want me that day and Darry didn't want me this day.

He opened his mouth, but I ignored him stuttering his apology. If it would be easier without me, then I would give him his wish. So in a haze, I pushed past Two-Bit and ran out the door. Darry didn't want to let me leave like I had when I ran away before. He hurried out after me, but I was faster than him and lost him after a few blocks.

At some point I had started crying without realizing it. My chest hurt, my legs ached, and I wasn't sure what I was going to do next. I wiped at my eyes and stepped off the edge of the curb onto the street. This was worse than before. Now I had nowhere to go and no one to go there with.

A bright light and a loud sound was the last thing I remembered.


	13. The Search

**Just started rehearsals for A Christmas Carol: The Musical. Don't worry, I'll still keep up with updating :)**

**BetterUnknown, you caught that! I didn't think anyone had really payed attention. He was, in fact, there to help Ponyboy fall asleep. Then he lingered around to watch him cause it had been a while since he'd seen him look so peaceful :)**

**Hope you all enjoy this chapter. Thanks for the reviews!**

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"Ponyboy!"

"Pone?"

"You find him?" Two-Bit approached me, looking concerned. I shook my head.

"Nothin'." I sighed as I looked around. "That kid can run. He's probably long gone by now."

"We'll find him," Two-Bit said. I could hear Darry in the distance, calling Ponyboy's name. Two-Bit and I kept searching until we eventually crossed paths with Darry, not sure where to go from there.

"Anything?" Darry asked. Two-Bit and I shook our heads. Darry ran a hand over his face, his voice sounding broken. "What the hell did I do?"

I should have comforted him, but I couldn't make my mouth speak the words that my heart didn't feel. I was upset with Darry for saying the things he did, even though I knew I shouldn't have been. I was upset that Ponyboy had run again, even though I should have expected it. I should have known. I should have stopped him.

But the only thing that came out of my mouth was "We'll find him."

XxXx

We didn't.

"No. Thank you." Darry hung up the phone and looked at the clock. Ponyboy still hadn't come back. We had roamed all around looking for him. Steve and Two-Bit drove out to the restaurant Pony played at to see if he was there, but he hadn't been. It was getting late and there was no word.

"Would the kid really run away again?" Steve was asking as he and Two-Bit came through the door.

"I don't know," Two-Bit said.

_Yes he would_, I thought to myself. Everyone got quiet and I looked up. Steve was getting ready to sit next to me and Two-Bit was already sitting down on the other empty chair. I hadn't realized that I'd spoken out loud, but the looks everyone was giving me informed me that I had.

"Oops," I cringed, laughing a little. No one else thought it was funny. Darry was giving me a hard stare, looking like he was slightly wounded. I sighed deeply, but I wouldn't take back my words.

"Why do you say that, Soda?" Steve asked, plopping down next to me.

"That's what he does," I said. "He runs."

"You'd think he'd know after last time," Darry started. It was Two-Bit who chimed in next, silencing him.

"No you wouldn't," Two-Bit said. "And if you honestly think that after how he's been actin' lately, then-"

"Enough!" Steve said sharply. I raised my eyebrows. This was one of the weirdest conversations we'd ever had. We were all silent for a moment until Steve spoke again. "It don't matter what anyone thought. He ran. Now we need to figure out where he'd go."

"He wouldn't go back to Windrixville, would he?" Two-Bit asked.

"The church burned down, dip shit," Steve replied sarcastically. "Why would he go back there?"

I rolled my eyes. "Two-Bit, Ponyboy probably wouldn't go back there. That place has too many memories for him."

"Yeah," Two-Bit said. "You're probably right."

"So then where?" Darry wondered. "He ain't at the restaurant, don't know how he'd even get back to Windrixville if he wanted to, the library's closed and so is the drive in. No one's seen him at all. Where could he have gone?"

"The cemetery?" I suggested.

"We checked it," Two-Bit said. "Ain't there either."

"Are there any friend's from school who he might've gone to?" Darry asked. Two-Bit shook his head.

"He ain't that close to anyone."

I looked at him, a little upset. "He ain't got friends?"

"Course he got friends, Sodapop," Two-Bit eased my worry. "Just none he'd go to after runnin' away."

"Can we stop sayin' he ran away?" Darry sighed, running a hand over his face.

"But he did," I said calmly. Darry glanced at me, giving me a look that I couldn't ignore. I shrugged my shoulders. "What? He did."

He shook his head and focused his attention back on everyone. "Maybe he'll come back like after he punched Steve."

"That was different," Steve protested. "He ran cause I made him mad and he acted on impulse. He probably thought he was gonna be in trouble."

Darry stood up, his body rigid with anger. "This is all my fault. He ran for the same reason he ran last time."

I stood too, moving to put a hand on Darry's shoulder to calm him. "Last time you physically hurt him, Dar. He was scared. This time he knows you didn't mean what you said."

"Then why'd he run?" Darry asked.

"He needed space. He was upset."

"If I hadn't of said that…if I'd just…"

"Stop," I said. "We can't change what happened. We can only stop something worse from happenin' now."

Darry nodded. "Ok."

"Wait, did you guys look at-" Two-Bit started, but cut himself off. He stood up, feeling his pockets for his keys.

"Look at what?" I asked in confusion. Two-Bit found his keys and was already hurrying out the door.

"Never mind," He called. "I'll be back."

"Ok…" I said slowly. "Am I the only one who thinks something's goin' on with him?"

"I've noticed it too," Darry said. "It's like he knows something."

"I bet my life's savin' he does," Steve muttered.

"Ooh, a whole two bucks," I teased. Steve glared at me playfully.

"It's up to three-fifty, thank you very much!"

I laughed, but then silence fell between us all again. Darry was kicking himself hard, nearly as hard as when he'd hit Ponyboy that one time. Darry knew he shouldn't have done it then, and he knew he shouldn't have said it this time. There was nothing we could do about it though. It had happened and was done with. We just needed to deal with the results we'd been handed.

* * *

I drove as quickly as I could, all the while still looking for Ponyboy. I quite honestly knew he would snap soon. I just wished he would've talked to his brothers about what was going on. I was tired of lying to them.

"C'mon, Pone," I muttered to myself. "Don't do this again."

"You can't keep doin' this, Ponyboy," I had told him the day I pulled him outside. It was the first time I'd heard him talk in a while.

"What am I supposed to do, Two-Bit?" He had asked me softly.

"Tell them," I begged. "Tell them about the dream. It wasn't your fault, Ponyboy. And Darry knew you'd find out eventually."

"What if he didn't tell me cause he _knew_ it was my fault?" He'd looked utterly devastated and destroyed. I hadn't known what to say to make him feel better. I pulled myself from the memory. Rain was beginning to fall, making it harder to see along the side of the road. I hoped Ponyboy had enough common sense to know to get out of the rain. Though somehow, I doubted he did.


	14. Finding Ponyboy

**Happy Sunday everyone! I hope everyone has a good Halloween. What are you dressing up as?**

**Also, if you watched the video for this on youtube (you can get the link on my profile), then you should've known it was coming :) haha**

**Hope you all enjoy.**

**Stay safe and be careful on Halloween!**

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"Nothin?" I asked as Two-Bit walked through the door. He sighed and threw himself down in the chair closest to him.

"Nothin."

"Where'd you go?" Sodapop asked curiously. I saw Two-Bit fidget nervously, as though he didn't want to tell us.

"Umm…"

His answer was cut off as the phone started ringing. In a haste, I grabbed it, nearly dropping it in the process. I answered quickly, hoping it was someone who knew where my little brother was.

"Darrel Curtis?" A woman asked.

"Yes, this is him."

"This is Elizabeth Hiles from St. John's Hospital. We're callin' to let you know Ponyboy Curtis was brought in after bein' hit by a car."

I felt my throat go tight. _Not again_, I thought, _please not again. _"What? Is he ok?

I could feel everyone's eyes on me as the woman answered back. "I have no word on his condition yet. He's in the ER receivin' treatment. We'll need you to come down since you are his legal guardian."

"Ok," I choked out. "Ok, we'll be right there."

"Wait, sir!"

"Yes?" I pulled the receiver back quickly.

"Is Ponyboy allergic to penicillin?"

"No…no, he's not allergic." I slammed the phone down and stood in a hurry. "Sodapop, get your shoes on. We need to go to the hospital."

Soda was on his feet in a flash, grabbing one shoe while looking for another. Two-Bit and Steve stood too, not quite sure yet where they should go or what they should do. I slid on my coat and found my keys.

"You two can follow behind in Two-Bit's car. Sodapop will come with me."

"Let's go," Soda said, running out the door with his shoes in hand. We got in the truck and I revved the engine. Two-Bit's lights came on behind me and we took off.

The ride was a blur. Sodapop and I were quiet, though I could hear him mumbling things under his breath. I ran stop signs and red lights without realizing it, but I didn't care. The only thing on my mind was getting to the hospital as quick as I could.

I parked by the ER and we ran inside. Two-Bit and Steve were close behind us. I knew we created a bit of a commotion as we raced through the doors, but I couldn't let it concern me. I was at the front desk before anyone could say anything.

"Ponyboy Curtis," I said in between breaths. The woman at the front desk flipped through her files.

"Ah, yes. He's still in the ER," She said. Her voice was soft and nice. She didn't care that we were Greasers. She just cared that someone we loved was hurt. "I'll have the doctor come and tell you Ponyboy's condition once he knows."

"You don't know anything?" Sodapop asked desperately. "Anything at all?"

"All I know is he was in critical condition when they brought him in, honey." She motioned towards the chairs across the room. "You all take a seat and I'll let you know when I know anything."

"Thanks," I said with a sigh. We all headed towards the empty chairs. There wasn't a lot of people here and I wondered if it was because it was a slow night or because most accidents happened around a certain time. Either way, I didn't care, because that meant Ponyboy would get more attention. I didn't care if that was selfish or not. That lady had said Ponyboy had been in critical condition. I wasn't sure how bad that meant.

Sodapop was chewing nervously on his nail, Steve had his head in hands as he pulled at his hair, and Two-Bit was pacing back and forth in front of us, too anxious to sit. I wasn't doing…anything. I felt like I was numb. Ponyboy couldn't be hurt. It didn't happen this way. He couldn't be fine one moment and then not the next. He couldn't be.

XxXxX

We spent hours in the waiting room. Every second was torturous not knowing how Ponyboy was. Every once and a while, one of us would go up to the desk and ask if there was any information. I memorized every poster and face in the room. I knew everyone's story about why they were there.

A mom and a dad to our right was there because their daughter's appendix needed to be taken out. A young mother had brought her baby boy in because he had fallen and hit his head on the coffee table. A teenage boy was there with his friend because they had been wrestling around and he broke his arm. The stories continued on, and yet none of them seemed to be as bad as ours.

Sodapop was growing restless and anxious. He and Steve went for a walk around the hospital, but it didn't ease his nerves. He bit all the fingernails on his left hand down to bloody nubs. I had to stop him from doing the same to his other hand. Two-Bit was upset and I knew there was something eating at him that he wasn't telling. He couldn't sit still very long and mostly paced. I tried to stay calm for my brother's sake, but it was hard. The last time I thought I had lost Ponyboy, I nearly lost it myself. This time I knew he was hurt. I couldn't lose him like I lost mom and dad. I couldn't take it.

"Over there," I heard the lady at the front desk say to a man in a white coat. He thanked her and headed our way. I stood when he got to us.

"Is one of you Ponyboy's parent or guardian?"

"I am," I said, extending my hand to shake his. "I'm his brother and legal guardian. Darrel Curtis."

"Well Darrel, I'm Doctor Andrews. Are you aware of what happened to your brother?" He asked. I shook my head.

"The lady on the phone said he got hit by a car."

"He did," The doctor nodded. "The person who hit him said he appeared distressed and stepped out onto the road, but didn't seem to notice the car was comin'. The driver couldn't stop in time and slammed into him."

I didn't speak. I felt Sodapop beside me go tense. The doctor continued on. "I'm afraid his injuries are rather severe."

My throat started to swell. I wasn't sure I wanted to know how bad he was. In a split second, I decided I didn't want to know the extent yet. "Can you tell me…can you tell if he'll be ok?"

The doctor seemed to sense that I didn't need anymore information than that. "It's hard to say, Darrel. We need more time to asses the situation."

"Can we see him?" Two-Bit asked. The doctor looked at us all.

"I'm afraid you can't go in his room yet, but there is a window that I can allow you to stand at to see him."

"Ok," I said. The doctor motioned us forward and we all followed quickly. He took us to the elevator and then up to another floor. They had apparently moved Ponyboy already to make him more stable. Before I knew it, the doctor was leaving us in the hall outside a room. None of us moved for a few seconds, but when we did, the site wasn't pretty.

Inside the room lay Ponyboy, hooked up to machines around him. There was a tube coming out of his hand that was slowly dripping liquid. A clear breathing mask was over his mouth and nose, pumping air into him. He looked pale and…fragile. Broken.

From beside me, Sodapop burst into tears.

"Oh Ponyboy," He whispered. I wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close. Neither of us could take our eyes off of him.

"Hell," I heard Two-Bit breathe out. He and Steve were stuck frozen, taking in the site of the boy they considered to be a brother. None of us could believe this was really happening. It didn't happen this way. It couldn't happen this way. Ponyboy had been fine. He couldn't be laying in a bed now, fighting for his life.

And for some reason, the only thing going through my head were Sodapop's words: "Tell him you love him, Darry. Cause this ain't Windrixville. Tell him. Cause when he leaves this time…He ain't comin' back."


	15. I'm Sorry

**Wow! Thanks for the reviews. I'm glad you guys are liking this.**

**I'm trying to write as I imagine the boys would be acting like now. I hope it feels in character :S**

**Now, if you're confused about the dog, I'd suggest going back and reading the chapter where Ponyboy talks about wanting a dog. See if you can catch it in there ;)**

**Enjoy!**

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I can't explain what I was feeling. I'd never felt it before. Complete despair…heartbreak…like a hole had grown inside me and I was nothing but an empty shell. I was in denial to myself. Ponyboy couldn't be there in the hospital. He was fine. He _had_ to be fine.

Sodapop hadn't fully stopped crying since he'd started. No amount of comforting any of us provided made him feel better. If he wasn't bawling, the tears were just silently falling from his eyes. I, beyond anything in the world, wanted to cry too. But I couldn't. Not yet, anyway. I needed to be there for Soda.

When Ponyboy had been moved to a different room in the ICU, we were finally allowed to come in. He looked exactly the same as before. No better, no worse. But the doctor gave us the grave words we didn't want to hear.

"It doesn't look good," He had sighed. "The extent of his injuries are rather serious."

"Will he be ok?"

"Only time will tell. He's in an induced coma right now, boys. If he wakes up, we go from there."

That had sent Sodapop bawling again. Steve was scary silent, looking like he was in a bit of pain. Two-Bit was in tears himself, but he was holding back. I couldn't do anything. I'd never felt so broken before in my life. My heart had been torn from my chest and was ripping to pieces right in front of my eyes. And finally, after a few hours, I had to ask everyone to leave so I could have a moment alone.

When everyone had gone, I pulled up a chair to Ponyboy's bedside. It was hard to look at him. The breathing mask over his face made it impossible to pretend like he was ok. He was too pale to be ok. He looked…he looked like he couldn't be alive.

"Aw, Pone," I moaned, running a hand over my face. The steady beeping of his heart monitor was the only sound in the room and all I could do was just look at him. It had been my fault he was here. I shouldn't have yelled at him. Shouldn't have made it seem like I didn't love him. "Tell him," Sodapop's voice echoed in my head. "Tell him you love him."

I felt tears fill my eyes and tried to blink them away. "I'm so sorry, Pone. I'm sorry for everything."

I sighed and the tears started to fall. I grabbed Ponyboy's hand gently and hoped he could hear me. "I don't know if you're listenin'… but I _do_ love you, Ponyboy. More than anything in the world. You're my baby brother. I just wish you could've understood that. I never stopped lovin' you. I couldn't. You and Sodapop are all that I have left."

The emotions inside me were swirling like an angry storm. The tears were pouring down and I couldn't control it anymore. "Please don't do this to me, Ponyboy. Please don't die."

I looked up at the ceiling and wiped my eyes. "I don't know if anyone's up there, but if you're listenin'…you've taken almost everything I love out of my life and I've never complained. You took my mom and dad and I let them go. I knew there was nothin' I could do.

I've never asked you for anything. Not once in my life. But I'm askin' you now…please don't do this to me. Please don't let him die. Not now, not like this. I made a mistake and if he dies thinkin' I hate him, I couldn't live with myself. Please don't take away one of the only things I got left."

One of the machines beeped and moaned and it took my attention away from the ceiling and back to Ponyboy. He still hadn't moved at all. It made me feel uneasy. I'd never seen Ponyboy so still before. He was young, he was always moving. That's the way it was supposed to be.

It wasn't supposed to happen like this.

XxX

Steve and Sodapop were the only ones who came back in the room later. I'd asked where Two-Bit was, but they didn't know. They said he had claimed to be going down to the cafeteria, but he never came back up. I offered to go down and see where he was, but even I couldn't find him. It was like he had disappeared all together.

His truck was still in the parking lot by mine, but he wasn't in it. I asked the lady at the front desk of the ER if she had seen him, but she hadn't. No one had seen him. I tried to think of why he would have left or where he could've gone. I couldn't figure out the reason until I remembered that he was upset. The last time something like this happened, when Ponyboy had run away, Two-Bit had come over blubbering some story about how it was all his fault. Before that though, he'd completely disappeared and we didn't see or hear from him.

I tried to think of where Two-Bit went when he was upset, but before I could even brainstorm ideas, I found him. He was stepping off the elevator and coming down the hall I happened to be in.

"Two-Bit!" I said. "We've been lookin' all over for you."

"I'm sorry," He whispered. It was then I noticed that he was crying. And not like he had been before. He was bawling.

I grabbed him by the shoulders. "What is it, Two-Bit?"

He shook his head, as though in shame. "He wanted…it's all cause of it…I shoulda told you…"

"Two-Bit, take a deep breath," I instructed and waited until he did. "Good. Now what're you talkin' about?"

"He wanted a dog, Darry," Two-Bit whispered. I looked at him in confusion for a moment before it clicked inside my head. He wanted a dog…

I swore out loud, then instantly regretted it. Steve had rounded around the corner and was coming towards us. I turned quickly and gave him look.

"Steve, go tell Sodapop I found Two-Bit, and then you two go back to Ponyboy's room in case anything happens."

He seemed to sense something was going on, but he gave me a nod and changed directions. I turned back around and began to pace.

"How'd he find out?" I asked.

"I dunno," Two-Bit said shakily. "He…he had a nightmare…and he must've pieced it together."

I ran a hand over my face. "How do you know?"

"He t-told me. Right before he s-stopped talkin'. He thought you didn't tell him cause y-you…"

"He thought I blamed him," I said softly. It all made sense. Ponyboy didn't know I loved him because he thought I hated him. And he thought I hated him cause he thought I blamed him. He was taking a world of shame on his shoulders that didn't belong there.

"Hell, Two-Bit," I muttered, feeling tears of my own start to form again. I shoved my fists into my eyes to stop them from falling. "Soda doesn't know, does he?"

"No," Two-Bit said. "Only me and you."

"Good." I straightened up and looked Two-Bit over. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked like he hadn't sleep very well in a long time. I gripped his shoulder. "Let's keep it that way. And Two-Bit, stop blamin' yourself. It ain't your fault, ok?"

"But I should've…" He burst into tears again, wiping his eyes. "I s-should've told you. I could've stopped this."

I shook my head. "Even if you told me, Ponyboy would believe what he wants to. You know that."

He looked at the ground. "I'm so sorry, Dar."

I sighed and pulled him into a one arm embrace. I knew he was kicking himself hard. He felt like it was his fault and I felt like it was mine. He cried and blabbered on and on about how much he was sorry. No amount of consoling seemed to help him. Finally he composed himself enough to head back to Ponyboy's room and we made our way there.

XxX

I sat in a chair in Ponyboy's room, my leg bouncing up and down, my teeth biting nervously on my thumb nail. Darry reached out and pulled my hand away from my mouth for the millionth time. He'd wrapped my other fingers in band aids because I'd bitten the nails down to nubs.

"Stop it," He said gently. I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I was tired and emotional. I had finally stopped crying, but I felt like I was about ready to start at any moment. I just needed some excuse to set me off.

We were all really quiet and it only made me more fidgety. It seemed like nothing was happening, even though something should've been. I wanted a doctor to come in and be doing stuff. They couldn't just leave Ponyboy there and hope for the best. They needed to be helping him.

Somehow, without me really realizing it, I had stood up and started proclaiming my thoughts. I stopped and looked around. Darry was trying to calm me down and Steve and Two-Bit were giving me sad looks. Darry lead me back to my chair and I sat down, dropping my head into my hands. I felt someone put a hand on my back and I forced myself not to cry.

"I just want him to be ok," I whispered.

"I know, little buddy," Darry said. "We all do."


	16. He wanted a dog

**Hey guys. Sorry for the delay. Things have been...hectic. My Grandma just passed away, so we've been getting ready to leave and fly out to her funeral. **

**Some of you guys guessed right about the dog. I'm so proud! You guys are like detectives.**

**Anyway, thanks a lot for the reviews! And please excuse any mistakes.  
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**Enjoy. :)**

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"Good mornin' Sodapop," The nurse at the front desk flashed me a smile before she sighed and set her pen down. "Two-Bit."

"Good mornin', Rhonda," Two-Bit said slyly, tipping an invisible hat. She rolled her eyes.

"Hope you'll be keepin' out of trouble today."

"But of course!" Two-Bit exclaimed. I smacked him hard in the stomach and gave her a smile.

"How's Ponyboy today?"

She shuffled through some papers and looked up at us. "Well, his swellin' has gone down. We're gonna pull him from the induced coma later today."

"And then he'll wake up?" Two-Bit asked seriously.

She sighed again and gave us both a weary smile. "I'm afraid it doesn't work like that."

We both nodded. We knew how it worked, we just hoped it would be different. I thanked her and headed to Ponyboy's room.

"Hey Pone," I greeted as I walked through the door. Two-Bit did the same, though his voice sounded less enthused than it had before. Something was up with him, but I didn't know what. Darry told me not to worry about it, which only made me worry more, and Steve had no clue.

"Two-Bit's gonna hang with you today," I said. Ponyboy hadn't moved on his own free will yet. The nurses had stretched his legs and arms and massaged them, telling us it would help to keep Ponyboy from getting bed rashes. The whole time, he'd remained asleep and never gave any sign he could feel what was going on.

I still couldn't get used to how still he was. Ponyboy was never still. He was quiet, yes, but not still. It seemed that some part of him was always moving. When he was sitting, his feet moving. If not his feet, his toes. When he was standing, his fingers were always messing with something or tapping on something. He was a kid. Kids weren't supposed to be still.

"I'll be here for your every want and need," Two-Bit said in good humor, but the smile on his face didn't reach his eyes. It was hard to fake being happy. The only reason I had stopped crying was because I reached a point of pain where I felt like there was nothing left inside me. I didn't cry because I couldn't cry. I had become content with the pain and it was what it was.

I leaned down and gave Ponyboy a kiss on the forehead. I told him I'd be back later and gave Two-Bit a goodbye, heading off to work.

I didn't remember working through that day, but I remember coming back to the hospital. Darry was already there and so was Two-Bit. I heard them before I came into the room.

"Dar, I'm in no place to tell you how to run things, but you oughta tell Sodapop the truth."

"He doesn't need to know. Ponyboy should've never figured it out."

"But you're gonna need to talk about it when Ponyboy wakes up. Soda should know!"

They stopped mid-conversation when I opened the door, thinking I didn't hear them. I asked what was wrong, but neither of them would tell me.

"Ok, enough," I said. "Something is up and I wanna know now."

Darry raised his eyebrows. It wasn't often I got sassy like that, but I couldn't help it. "Nothin' is up."

"Darry!" I let out a cry of frustration. "You two have been runnin' around here hidin' things, pretendin' like everything is ok, and it's not! Now tell me what's going on!" I demanded. Darry pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a deep sigh.

"Ok. Sit down, Sodapop." He motioned me towards the chair next to him and we both sat down. I noticed Two-Bit step outside of the room, giving us privacy.

"Do you remember when Ponyboy was ten and he wanted a dog?"

I nodded. "Yeah. He begged mom like everyday. I think I remember him still askin' months before they passed away."

"Actually, until the day before," Darry muttered. I gave him a look of confusion.

"So what's the point?" I asked.

Darry sighed again. "Sodapop…do you remember where mom and dad were goin' when they left that day? The day of the accident?"

I thought back in my mind, but I didn't remember them ever giving me a reason why they left. "No."

"That's cause they didn't tell you," Darry said. "And…and _I _didn't tell you. Even after…"

"Tell me what, Darry? What's goin' on?"

"The reason Two-Bit is so upset is because he knew where they went and somehow Ponyboy figured it out in that nightmare. He knew what happened in Ponyboy's dream and didn't tell me. It was the reason why Ponyboy stopped talkin' and became so upset. He figured out where they were goin' and he blamed himself. Two-Bit knew what was goin' on with him."

I shook my head. I wasn't following. "I don't…I don't understand."

"Ponyboy wanted a dog, Sodapop. Mom told him she'd discuss it with him after they got back that day. But…they were really goin' to get the dog for him as a surprise. That's when they got hit."

I felt my mind go blank. I couldn't think right. "So…so they…they were gettin' him the dog…and they died."

Darry nodded sadly. "I never told you or Ponyboy. When Pony figured it out, he thought I blamed him for it and thought that's why I never told him. He thought I hated him because of it and thought that's why I was so stern with him."

I opened my mouth, but no words were coming out. Ponyboy was blaming himself for mom and dad's death. And worse…he thought Darry blamed him too. It was the reason for all of this. Everything started because he'd pieced things together. Now he was lying in a hospital bed.

I looked up. I could see the pain in Darry's eyes. Pain beyond anything I'd ever seen him in, even the night he'd hit Ponyboy. This was different. It was…worse.

"Oh my God…" I whispered.

"Are you ok, Sodapop?"

I nodded and swallowed hard. I hadn't thought about my parents death in a long time and this was certainly the last place I wanted to think about it.

"I um…I'm ok. I just…let's not talk anymore about this right now, ok? Ponyboy's recovery comes first. How's he been doin'?"

"Well, they took him from the induced coma earlier. They don't know if he'll wake up though."

"Yeah…I heard."

"Doc says he can wake up anytime now. Told us to keep talkin' to him cause they are seeing brain activity more and more. The rest is up to his body."

I felt tears raise in my eyes and tried desperately not to let them fall. I didn't think I had been able to, but the question I was about to ask broke my heart so hard that the only thing I could do was cry. "Do you…do you think he'll wake up? Ever?"

Darry looked at me for a long moment and patted my leg. "You know, Sodapop…I ask myself that question everyday."

As if on cue, I saw it. I was so tired that I wasn't sure it had actually happened though. I wiped at my eyes and it happened again. Ponyboy's fingers twitched.

I stood up and walked towards him, watching his hand again. I felt Darry beside me.

"What is it?"

"It looked like…" I said, a little unsure. "Like his fingers moved."

Suddenly, a low moan escaped from Ponyboy's lips. I saw them part and his face slightly contort, as though he was in pain. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently.

"It's ok, Ponyboy," I said. "It's ok."

He moaned again softly, but it didn't look like he was awake. I heard someone come into the room and realized Darry had gone to get a nurse. The nurse checked one of the machines and then called for someone. A girl entered the room and the nurse told her to bring her some kind of drug that I couldn't understand the name of.

"What's goin' on?" I asked. The nurse looked at me sympathetically, messing with one of Ponyboy's IV's.

"He's just in a bit of pain. We expected this. No need to worry."

"You expected this?" I asked, sniffing. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Darry put a hand on my shoulder to calm me and spoke softly into my ear. "Stop, Sodapop. Pony couldn't feel anything when he was in the coma. They knew he would start feelin' stuff when they pulled him from it."

I nodded and swallowed hard. The nurse shot something into his IV and then waited a few moments. She checked his pulse and wrote something down on the clipboard at the front of his bed before she excused herself after and left us alone.

We were silent for a couple moments until I spoke. "That was…that was good, right?"

"Huh?" Darry asked.

"He moved…he…he made sounds. That's progress, right?"

Darry smiled and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "Yeah, little buddy. I guess it is."


	17. Foreshadow

**Hey guys! Sorry for the delay. I got bronchitis and I had to finish up the musical I was in, so things got interesting, haha. **

**I'm feeling much better now and since the musical is over, I'll have more time to write. **

**Thanks for all the reviews! Always appreciated. And happy holidays if you don't hear from me before then :)**

**Enjoy.**

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"Ponyboy," A voice called out dreamily. It was familiar. I knew that voice. "Time to wake up, honey."

I opened my eyes slowly, trying to let my surroundings settle. I wasn't in a familiar place, but the person sitting on the edge of my bed was definitely familiar.

"Mom?" I asked. She smiled gently and put her hand on my forehead for a second to check my temperature.

"It's about time you woke up. You've been asleep for awhile."

"How…what…y-you're here," I finally stuttered out, tears gathering in my eyes. "Oh mama, I had the worst dream ever."

"What happened in it?"

"You and dad died in a car crash," I sniffed. I wiped at the tears on my face as she gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Honey, that wasn't a dream."

"W-what?" I asked in confusion.

"We did die. _This_ is the dream, Ponyboy."

"What?" I asked again. None of it was making sense.

"You don't know where you are, do you?" She asked. I shook my head. "You're in the hospital, sweetie."

"Why?"

"You and Darry got in a fight. You stepped out onto the road and a car hit you."

"But…but…I can see you. Does…" I swallowed hard. "Am I dyin'?"

She gave me another sympathetic smile. "No, not yet, baby. Your body is fightin' as hard as it can."

"Am I gonna die?"

"That can go either way, Ponyboy."

I sat up and tried to keep myself from crying. "Why are you here, mom?"

"Cause you want me to be," She laughed lightly. I looked at her hand on the mattress, wondering if I'd be able to touch her. She read my mind, because she reached out and grabbed my hand before I could move. I could feel her. Her skin was soft, just like I remembered. I never wanted to let go.

"I can't stay here, Ponyboy," She said softly, rubbing her thumb over the back of my hand.

"Why?"

"I just can't, baby. I'm sorry." She let go of my hand and leaned forward to give me a kiss on my forehead. "I love you, Ponyboy, and so do your brothers. Darry doesn't mean to be so stern. He just doesn't want you hurt."

"But he hates me," I whispered. "He blames me for your death. That's why he never told me what happened."

"Honey, he didn't tell you cause he didn't want you blamin' yourself. He doesn't blame you at all."

"But…what…"

"I have to go, Ponyboy." She stood up, but I grabbed her wrist.

"No," I begged. "Please stay."

"I can't, baby. I'm so sorry."

"Mama, _please_," I sobbed. "Please don't leave me again."

She pulled me into her arms and held me gently for only a moment before she pulled back. She smiled one last time and turned towards the door.

"Mom," I cried. "Please, don't leave me here alone. Mama!" But she didn't turn around. She opened the door and walked out into a light so bright that I couldn't see. It wasn't until the door closed that the light was gone and I was by myself.

"Mom…" I whispered through my tears, and then everything was gone.

XxXxX

The doctor explained to us that Ponyboy moving and making a sound was a good thing, but he still had enough injuries that it wasn't exactly good enough. It was still up to his body to decide what happened next. He wasn't responding well to treatments, they explained to us, which meant it literally _was _up to his body to figure out where to go from here.

Sodapop and everyone else talked to him a lot, telling him he needed to fight. I would wait until I was alone to tell him I knew he was strong enough to get through this. He had always been strong.

Our lives soon revolved around Ponyboy being in the hospital. Everything adapted as though it was a normal part of our lives. If we weren't at work, we were at the hospital in his room. All of the staff on Ponyboy's floor knew us and we knew them. We stayed past visiting hours every night because the nurse would always let us, as long as we promised to be quiet. And we were.

Some days Sodapop smiled and laughed for Ponyboy's sake. Other times he would cry in the hallway before he went in. For a while he didn't cry. He was too numb. When he found out about the reason our parents died, it opened that gate of pain for him again. He wouldn't talk about them or what had happened, or even why I hadn't told him.

For a kid who could never sit still, he was being really good about it. Sometimes he would get restless and he would leave to go walk around the hospital. He made friends with a couple of patients there too. When he was in Ponyboy's room, Steve and Two-Bit would usually keep him preoccupied so he didn't become anxious. I was glad they did, because I was too preoccupied.

I picked up extra work time whenever I could. The longer Ponyboy was here, the more expensive it got. I was able to get the state to help me take care of part of the medical bill, but I had to cover the rest of what the insurance didn't. Steve clocked in under Soda's name a bunch and didn't tell him. The only reason I knew was because his pay was more than usual. I cornered Steve one day about it. Instead of yelling at him, I thanked him. Steve was a part of our family and I knew he was only trying to help.

Two-Bit stayed with Ponyboy whenever Sodapop and I couldn't be there. Mrs. Mathews came by a lot too. Each day became more surreal, like it was all just a nightmare and I'd wake up to find myself back at home. Sodapop and Steve would be arm wrestling at the table. Two-Bit would be watching TV. Ponyboy would be reading some book on the couch.

As much as I wanted that to be the case, I just couldn't wake up from this bad dream. I felt like I was living outside of my body. Nothing was real anymore. I went through work in a daze, just thinking about when I could get back to the hospital. I barely slept cause my mind never stopped running. What if the next morning I woke up and Ponyboy was gone? What if I'd never see him smile again? Never hear him laugh?

"Hey Dar?"

I snapped out of my thoughts and looked up at Sodapop. "Yeah?"

"They need us to leave for a few minutes while they run some tests."

I stood up and ran a hand over my face. I followed Sodapop out of the room while the nurses took over. Sodapop was calm, which helped ease some of my tension. He was having one of his better days. I was having one of my bad days.

"Have you eaten?" I asked.

"No."

I led us to the elevator and down to the cafeteria. We were used to eating hospital food. Not all of it was bad. We'd figured out what was good the hard way.

"How was work today?" I asked as we sat down at one of the tables.

Sodapop shrugged. "It was fine I guess. Just like normal."

"Uh huh," I eyed him carefully. "And how's Steve?"

"He's good. He's been workin' some overtime. How's roofin'?"

"Good as it gets," I sighed.

"And how's Two-Bit?"

I ran a hand over my face again. "He's…well, not too good. Still blamin' himself."

Sodapop nodded silently and took a bite of his food. I let the topic slide, knowing he didn't really want to talk about it. You couldn't make Sodapop talk about something he didn't want to. He was stubborn, a trait that was definitely dominant in Ponyboy as well. We were silent for a few moments when Sodapop suddenly burst into tears.

I was stunned for a second because of the sudden change. Sodapop had good and bad days, but they didn't tend to mix.

"Soda, what's wrong?" I asked. He buried his face into his hands, his shoulders shaking.

"I'm s-sorry," He said. He lifted his face again and wiped at his eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears, but they just kept coming.

"What is it?"

"I just m-miss him," He said softly. "So much."

I sighed and reached out to touch his hand. "I know, Sodapop. I know."

"He's gettin' better, right?"

I scoffed. "Hell if I know. Doctors make everything sound so confusin'."

Sodapop smiled and wiped away a few of his tears again. "This whole thing…it's like…like…"

"Like a bad nightmare you can't wake up from?" I suggested.

He nodded. "Yeah. Or like a story that has no end. I keep waitin' for some narrator to give me a glimpse of hope that things are gonna be ok, but…it just never comes."

"Soon enough it will, Sodapop," I said, patting his arm. "Soon enough."


	18. Don't Let Me Die

**Sorry guys! No excuses. Just got caught up with school and a new book I was reading. **

**Anyway, thanks so much for the reviews! I started writing this while I was sitting in my car in a parking lot, so you know it's gonna be legit. Haha.**

**Also, I'm very sorry to say that...well, the next chapter is probably going to be the last. I hate ending stories, but it's gotta be done. **

**On the bright side, I'm already brewing new ideas to work on!**

**So I hope you enjoy!**

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"Hey kid, get up."

It was the feeling of someone messing up my hair that woke me whenever I did next. I was lying on my stomach on the ground and couldn't remember how I got there. When I opened my eyes, I realized I had no idea where I was anyway.

"C'mon, sleepin' beauty," The voice teased. It sounded familiar, but I couldn't place it until the person walked into my line of view.

"Dallas?" I asked in confusion.

"No, it's Jesus," He said sarcastically, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.

"How…what're…But…" I couldn't find the words that I was looking for. I didn't know where they were at all.

Dally shot me a look and let out a breath of smoke. "Calm it down, kid. You ain't doin' too hot. You don't need to get yourself all worked up and make it worse."

I pushed myself to my knees and looked around. The room we were in looked an awful lot like the church Johnny and I had run away to. But there were no benches here, and I knew the church burnt down.

"Dally, you're dead." I wasn't sure why those were the first words that came out clearly, but it sent Dally into hysterics.

"No shit, kid."

I suddenly found myself frustrated with his attitude and jabbed a finger at him angrily. "Don't go makin' this seem like it's such an obvious thing. If I can see you, that means that I must be dead, too."

Dally raised his eyebrows. "And Darry said you don't use your head."

"Stop it, Dal."

I heard the voice from behind me and recognized it instantly. I felt my breath leave.

"What?" Dally asked innocently. "I didn't _say_ he was dead."

"You're scarin' him." The owner of the voice stepped in front of me and, without control, tears started pouring from my eyes.

"Johnny."

"Kid's a genius, I tell ya," Dally muttered as Johnny kneeled down and put a hand on my shoulder. I noticed immediately something different about him. First, the scared look that usually was in his eyes was no longer there. He didn't look like a sad puppy that got kicked around anymore. And second, the scar on his face from when he'd be jumped was completely and miraculously gone.

"Pretty tuff, huh?" He asked with a laugh, touching his face. It only sent me further into tears.

"JohnnyCakes," Dally said with a warning, motioning towards me. Johnny nodded and squeezed my shoulder.

"Easy now, Pone. You gotta relax," He said.

"I…I…" I let out a laugh. "How am I supposed to relax? You're here. Dally's here. I…I can't…"

"You ain't dead, Pone," Johnny said.

"I…I'm not?"

"Course not!" Johnny smiled. I rubbed my eyes. They felt like they were beginning to swell, like right before you get a black eye.

"Johnny, it's startin'," Dally said. Johnny turned back towards me and put his other hand on my shoulder.

"C'mon, Pone. Don't cry," He said softly. "You don't get to stay if you don't calm down."

"Ok," I nodded. "Ok."

"Want a cancer stick?" Dally asked. I nodded again. Those always helped ease my tension. Dally handed me one and lighted it. After I inhaled and blew all the smoke out, I could feel my shakiness ease.

"Better," Dally noted, but it wasn't a question.

"So what is this then?" I finally asked.

"It's heaven," Dally motioned around us, flicking away his cigarette butt. "Can't you tell?"

"Ain't heaven if _you're_ here, Dal," Johnny said.

"You best be lucky I don't beat the tar out of you," Dally said back.

"As if you could, Dally. As if you could."

I raised an eyebrow and took another blow off my cigarette. Looking at Johnny in this state, I wasn't sure if Dally actually _could_ take him down. Johnny looked so much stronger. So much healthier. It was hard to believe. Johnny had always been the gang's pet. But now…

"Ponyboy, what's wrong?"

I didn't realize tears were falling from my eyes again and I worked quickly to wipe them away. "Aw, Johnny."

"Hey, c'mon man, don't do that," Johnny said gently.

"What is this place?" I asked again, trying to compose myself.

"We ain't too sure. We just know how it works," Johnny said.

"How does it work?"

"Can't tell ya, kid," Dally said as he sat down on the floor next to me and took my cigarette, stealing a drag from it. "All we can say is that you can only stay with us if you're not workin' yourself up."

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. They were telling me I needed to be calm. But they were dead. How do you be calm when talking to dead people? There was something seriously messed up about their logic.

Dally handed me back the cigarette, but I didn't want it anymore. I threw it to the side of us and drew patterns in the dirt below me. I knew I should be happy to be able to see them, but it only made me hurt worse. I missed Johnny so much that it felt like my heart was shattering.

"So how goes life?" Dally asked. I gave him a look while Johnny rolled his eyes.

"It's grand," I muttered. A thought suddenly entered my mind. "Hey…where am I right now? In real life?"

"Florida."

"Huh?"

Johnny glared at Dally playfully. "Knock it off, Dal. You're in Tulsa, Pone. In the hospital."

"In the…Why am I there?"

"You and Darry got in a fight. You ran off and got hit by a car. I thought you and Darry were doin' better."

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. "I thought so too. But nothin' changed. Darry hates me."

"You know that's not true," Johnny said seriously.

"No, I don't. Johnny, he blames me for my parents deaths. He never forgave me. That's why he didn't tell me about it."

"Kid, what're you talkin' about?" Dally asked. "Darry don't hate you. He just never told you cause he knew you'd blame yourself."

I ignored him and turned my attention back to Johnny. "I thought you said I wasn't dyin'?"

"I said you weren't _dead_, Ponyboy."

Dally smacked me upside the head. "Don't ignore me."

I stood up, both of my friends following my actions. I found myself frustrated again. "You weren't there, ok? You don't see how he treats me!"

"Don't yell at me," Dally said. "Especially when I'm right."

"You ain't right. So I'll yell all I want."

"Sassy," He commented. "I can't believe you don't see how much Darry actually cares about you. If he hated you, he woulda given you up a long time ago."

"Mind your own business, Dal!" I snapped. "I ain't takin' advice from someone who ain't even alive."

Johnny chimed in now. "Guys, stop."

"Just cause I'm dead, it don't mean I'm blind," Dally continued, ignoring Johnny. My stomach suddenly started hurting, but I tried to pay it no mind.

"Just shut up, ok? I don't wanna talk about it."

Suddenly the pain became too much, and I sank to my knees, wrapping my arms tight around myself.

"Great Dal, you did it now," Johnny said, dropping down next to me. He lifted my chin up and looked at my face. My eyes started to feel swollen again and my vision blurred with tears.

"He's bleedin'," Dally said. He kneeled down next to Johnny and forced my hands apart. I noticed they were covered in blood; _my _blood.

"W-what's happenin?" I stuttered in fear. The pain grew worse and I let out a cry.

"Relax, Ponyboy!" Dally nearly shouted, shaking me slightly. "You're makin' it worse."

Johnny spoke gently. "Something's happenin' in real life. You gotta try to stay calm. It's only makin' it worse for you in here."

"I c-can't," I choked out, grabbing my stomach again. I doubled over as a wave of intense pain made its way through me. "It hurts!"

Dally grabbed me by the shoulders with a tight grip. As he started to speak, I let out another cry.

"Make it stop!"

"Is that want you want, Ponyboy? Cause we'll go away if it stops," Johnny said quickly. I didn't want them to leave, but it hurt too bad. I nodded. Johnny gave Dally a look and they both stood up, taking a step back.

"Say hi to everyone in the real world for us."

I closed my eyes. A loud beeping was ringing all around. I could feel people touching me, shouting things that didn't make sense.

"We need to get him moved!"

"Sir, you need to stand over there!"

I found myself screaming. The pain, mixed with the commotion all around me, was sending me into panic central. I clutched my stomach tightly.

"Ponyboy!" That voice was familiar, but the hands of the person trying to move my arms away weren't. I was still yelling. I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted them to stop touching me. I wanted something or someone I knew. I wanted…

"DARRY!" I cried.

"We need a sedative!"

"We have to get him to surgery!"

"Ponyboy." The voice was close now, next to me. I felt someone run a hand through my hair and recognized the calloused texture. Then suddenly I was moving. Another wave of panic washed over me and I opened my eyes, tears pouring out of them.

"No," I moaned, trying to look around. The lights on the ceiling were passing by quickly. "Darry!"

He appeared out of nowhere, running next to us. He grabbed my hand. Through the commotion, his voice was the only one I could hear.

"Just hang on, Pone. It's gonna be ok. They're gonna make you better."

"Darry," I gasped, grabbing his hand tightly. "D-don't l-let…"

"What, Ponyboy?" He asked urgently. "Don't let what?"

"Don't let me die," I whispered. He was silent for only a second before he squeezed my hand.

"I won't, Ponyboy. I promise."


	19. Epilogue

**All right guys. This is it. The end. I wanna thank everyone for reading this story. I loved all the reviews. You guys made me SO happy and you are all so supportive and wonderful. Ending a story is never easy for me, but I hope you guys like it. I'll continue on with my other story and I've started another one that I'm working on. You can check out the preview for it by going to youtube and typing in "Kidnapped (the outsiders)". I'll also post the link on my profile if you can't find it. **

**All right...well...here we go...**

**Enjoy. **

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"Sodapop Curtis, get out of bed right now!"

I pushed my head under my pillow and tried to ignore the voice pulling me from sleep. One month ago, something inside Ponyboy's stomach had ruptured. I remember hearing him scream, even though I wasn't close to his room. I had run around like a mad man, trying to find someone because no one was in his room by the time I got there. Darry found me first and told me Ponyboy had been taken into surgery. The odds, he said, weren't on our side.

I broke down then. I don't remember how I ended up on the floor, but I do remember Darry holding me. All I could think about was what was going to happen if we lost our little brother. I thought things were getting better, but it turned out they were getting worse. I couldn't stop thinking about all the bad things that would happen now.

Ponyboy would never see the sunset again. He would never play football in the lot. He would never have to face the embarrassment Darry and I would give him while he was getting ready for a school dance. He would never have his first kiss, his first girlfriend, his first break up. He would never walk down the isle to graduate. We would never go to the country like he always wanted. Never do the things he always dreamed of.

But worse than that, Ponyboy would never open his eyes again. He'd never smile, never laugh. Darry and I would never jump on his bed and tickle him awake. We'd never see those green eyes that shined when he was happy, glowed when he was inspired, and shed tears when he was sad. He would be gone forever. And like he always use to say, forever…is an awfully long time.

But this is still Ponyboy's story.

"I'm tired of you mopin' around, Sodapop. Get. Up!"

The person yanked the pillow from over my head and pulled the blankets out from under me, sending me tumbling to the floor. The doctors told us Ponyboy wouldn't survive. There were no chances. They said that in the odd and impossible event that he did, he'd never wake up. He'd be in a vegetated state for the rest of his life. When that something in his stomach ruptured, his body couldn't handle it and shut down. They'd managed to keep him alive during the surgery, but he was fading fast. Impossible, they told us over and over again, it's impossible.

But then again, Ponyboy loved to prove people wrong.

The person in my room burst into a fit of laughter as soon as I hit the floor. I rolled over and glared, but I couldn't keep a smile from coming over my face as I watched those green eyes dance. They told us he wouldn't make it through the day, but when the night ended and the next day came, he was still there. One week later, he opened his eyes. Ponyboy had defied the odds. Not just that, he had defied everything the doctors told us. He was alive, and he was aware. The second day after he'd woken up and became more coherent, he started talking to us. He thanked Darry for keeping his promise. For not letting him die. It was enough to make Ponyboy realize Darry had never stopped loving him.

The accident that should have left him crippled in at least a few ways had left him with only minor injuries. His left leg was in a cast and he had to walk with crutches. He had some nasty bruises that still hurt whenever they were touched. There were scars on his arms that would probably never fade and it would take at least a couple more weeks until his color turned back to normal, but he was alive. And none of the doctors could explain it. Every piece of evidence said he should have died that day. He was a medical mystery. A medical miracle.

"Looks like you have an angel up in heaven," The doctor had said to him one day. Ponyboy had smiled and looked up at the ceiling.

"Yeah, I've got an angel, all right," He had laughed, "But he sure ain't from heaven."

"I'll get you for that," I said to him as I pushed myself up off the floor. He shrieked and grabbed his crutches, moving out the door. He'd gotten good with using them and getting around. I heard him laugh as I chased after him and caught him by the couch. I pulled him into a headlock and he dropped one of the crutches to grab my arm.

"Say mercy!"

"No!" He laughed. I smiled.

"Say mercy or I'll tickle you!"

"Don't you dare!" He gasped.

"Yeah, Sodapop," A voice said as a person came into the living room. "Don't you dare."

I looked over as Darry crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall, but a smile was tugging at the corner of his lips. "Enough roughhousin', ok? Ponyboy's still healin'."

I let go of Ponyboy and ruffled his hair, turning on Darry with a grin. "You know, when you promised you wouldn't let him die, I didn't think that promise still applied to…well…_everything_."

"It don't apply to _you_, little buddy," He said. I feigned a look of hurt as he laughed. Ponyboy sat down on the couch and let out a yawn. He hadn't gotten all of his energy back, but based on how he was a month ago, he was a lot better now. It would take time before he was OK again. Time that we were all willing to wait.

"You ok?" Darry asked him, trying to hide his concern. Ponyboy gave him a thumbs up and rubbed his eyes.

"I think I'll be better when I ain't tired all the time," He muttered.

"Just gotta take it slow," Darry said, sitting down in the recliner. "Your strength will come back."

"Yeah, Pone. Slow and steady wins the race," I teased.

"Stow Headley beat _who's_ face?" The screen door opened and Two-Bit entered, his mouth open in a smile. I rolled my eyes as Ponyboy laughed. I loved that sound. For a while, I was positive I'd never hear it again. But now I treasured it. It was like music to my ears. It was proof that Ponyboy really was here.

Two-Bit threw himself down on the couch next to him and gave him a quick look over. He'd taken himself through hell and back when Ponyboy was in the hospital. We all knew that now he was going to make sure to do whatever it took so that Ponyboy would never get hurt again.

"Ahhh!" Ponyboy moaned in frustration, trying to slide his fingers underneath his cast.

"Got an itch?" I asked.

"No, I dropped a coin down there," He said sarcastically, giving me a look. I laughed.

"You sound like Dal sometimes."

He gave me a wink and pushed himself up before he took his crutches and headed towards the kitchen.

"You want me to get that for you?" Darry asked after him.

"No, I got it," He called back.

"Give him some space, Dar," I said lightly. "He needs to do stuff for himself."

"Don't parent me, Sodapop." Darry leaned back in his chair and let out a sigh. "He's supposed to take it easy."

"Gettin' a fork from the kitchen ain't exactly hard work," Two-Bit chimed in.

"The next person who gives their opinion on this is gettin' a beat down," Darry warned. We knew he was joking, but we let the topic slide. Darry would always be overprotective and he had a right to be. We'd almost lost Ponyboy and we certainly weren't going to let it happen again.

Suddenly we heard a loud crash from the kitchen happening at the same time as Ponyboy letting out a cry. Darry and I jumped to our feet and ran. We were there in a flash, finding Ponyboy on floor, his crutches sprawled out next to him.

"Ponyboy!" Darry dropped down to his knees as I kneeled next to him. "Are you ok?"

"Wait, wait," Ponyboy muttered, pushing Darry's hands away. He grabbed his injured leg and turned it gently, letting out a sigh of relief. "Ok."

"What happened?" Two-Bit asked from somewhere behind me.

"I slipped." Ponyboy rubbed his thigh. "I think someone spilled something."

"It wasn't me," I said quickly. Darry looked over at me and we shared a moment of silence before we turned towards the entry way where Two-Bit was standing. He laughed nervously.

"Oops," He said. And then he was gone and out the door before we could say anything back. Ponyboy laughed and I felt relief flood through my system. He grabbed his crutches and started to push himself up, but Darry was a step ahead of him and had him under the arms, pulling him to his feet.

"Easy, Dar," I said as I stood up. Darry could be rough without meaning to. Ever since the accident he had worked really hard to be gentle. I had to point out from time to time when he was accidentally hurting Ponyboy, but it wasn't often.

"No, it's ok," Ponyboy said. "Thanks, Dar."

He leaned back against the stove and I let out a breath. "Well that was scary."

"Sorry," He muttered, looking down.

"Are you ok?" Darry asked. Ponyboy looked at him and then to me. For a few moments, he didn't say anything, he just looked between the two of us. Right as I was about to ask him if something was wrong, he pushed himself forward and wrapped his arms around Darry's neck. Darry was startled for a second before he returned the embrace.

"Yeah," Ponyboy said softly. He motioned me over to join the group hug as he referred back to Darry's last question of him being ok. "I think I finally am."

XxX

I never believed in miracles. After everything that had happened, I played it to fate. That's why I thought my mom and dad were gone and that's why I thought Johnny and Dally were gone. But it wasn't the truth. You see, I've learned through life that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we know what the reason is, but more often we don't.

When I was younger, my mom used to tell me the sunshine was God smiling down on something great he had done. Since it was sunny all the time, I didn't pay much mind to it. She told me that when the clouds blocked the sun, it was because something bad was happening and the good couldn't get past them down to the earth. But when they moved, and the sky cleared like it always did, it was proof that things would always be ok. That the sky would always clear and there would always be another day.

And I know now, that somewhere in the world, God is smiling.

I'll never know why Johnny, Dally, my mom, and my dad were taken from me. I do know, though, that they were never gone. Right when I needed them most, they showed up. They helped me understand that sometimes you're standing too close to a problem to see what the whole thing looks like. They pushed me a step back to make me realize that Darry never hated me. He only wanted to protect me. And I owe him everything for that.

Life isn't simple and it sure isn't fair. I knew that one first hand. You've got to learn to handle the cards you've been dealt. Some games you lose, some games you win; but either way, you keep playing.

I never believed in miracles. Not until I witnessed one and became living proof of one. I should have died and there's nothing that can explain why I didn't. I sometimes like to think it was because of Darry's promise; a promise that I know will never be broken. Though I can't explain it myself, I believe now. I think that somewhere inside, I always did. And believe me when I say that I do understand life is hard and things get complicated. But the clouds will always clear, the rain will always dry. And I was fine. I _am_ fine. And I _will be_ fine.

I promise.

~Ponyboy M. Curtis


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